Danger Rangers
by SynthaRoboto
Summary: When a rift in space and time opens and more competent villains emerge, Zordon must recruit a new ranger team to fight alongside the Power Rangers. Chaos ensues as the new team is uncooperative, and a dark secret from Edenoi is slowly uncovered. Various crossovers involved. Multiple OCs.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Dawn Of Delinquency

For over a year, the Power Rangers successfully defended the city of Angel Grove from a rather idiotic villain by the name of Rita Repulsa. Up until now, the Earth was in no real danger, since Rita had a tendency of attempting the same thing over and over again and expecting her same failed plans to succeed each time. However, one day there was a major disturbance. Space and time itself distorted, and a rift into the unknown had been opened. Villainous beings, far more intelligent than Rita and her minions began to pop up, and they were proving to be too much for the Power Rangers to handle.

In an act of desperation, Zordon told his robotic assistant, Alpha 5, to recruit another group of six teenagers to work alongside the Power Rangers.

"Alpha, I need you to teleport six teenagers with attitude _problems_ , no more model citizens. I need a team that can…" Zordon sighed, "fight dirty."

An image on the viewing globe appeared, showing what had to be six of the most troubled teens in town.

"Ay yi yi yi yi! But, Zordon—!" Alpha protested.

"Alpha, you must teleport them to the command center," said Zordon.

"They're juvenile delinquents, Zordon!" Alpha cried.

"Alpha, please! Trust me on this," said Zordon.

"They'll tear me limb from limb!" said Alpha.

Zordon rolled his eyes. "Do you want the world to end?" he said.

Alpha made a sighing sound. "No, Zordon," he said glumly, and hit the big, red oversized 'teleport' button. Seconds later, six trashy, disgruntled teens appeared in the command center, two of whom landed unceremoniously on their rear ends.

Devonte, Teena, Vivica, and Dirk all pointed and laughed at Synthe and Stratter, who had both landed on their butts. Stratter was so completely absorbed into his music (which he had blasting at max volume through his earbuds) that he didn't even notice what had happened. Synthe, however, took offense at being laughed at. Springing to her feet, she launched into a tirade:

"What the fuck do you think you're laughing at?! You fuckin' whores and druggies! And where the hell am I?! What kind of wise-ass joke are you trying to pull?! One of you'd better fess up like, _right now_ or I'm gonna beat every last one of you to a bloody pulp!"

"Ay yi yi yi yi! Such language!" Alpha exclaimed, as Synthe's fierce features pointed in his direction. "You!" she said angrily, "I thought you were dead!"

"W-What?!" Alpha stammered in fright.

"Alpha 3! Where the hell have you been?!" Synthe demanded.

"I'm Alpha 5!" Alpha exclaimed, backing into a control console. He had no clue who this girl was, or why she seemed to hate him. He only hoped that she wouldn't attack him.

"You're a replacement droid?! I freakin' _hate you_ ," Synthe hissed.

 _OOPS_ , Zordon thought, now recognizing the girl was an Edenoite, and an exiled one at that. "I apologize for not recognizing you, Synthe. I did not even realize that you were living here on Earth," he said.

"I knew she was an alien! Man, no wonder she's so strong!" said Dirk.

"Guess the cat's outta the bag," said Devonte.

"I am _so_ gonna expose you Synthe, and _everyone_ is _totally_ gonna hate you," said Vivica.

Stratter, who had just now realized that he wasn't in Angel Grove anymore, pointed at Zordon and shouted, "Whoa! What's with the big, floating white head in the tube? It looks like sperm in a tube—with a face!"

The others snickered. "Damn, you right, muthafucka! He do look like a sperm-tube!" said Devonte.

"Sperm-tube, that's got a ring to it. I think I'll call you that from now on, sperm-tube," said Synthe.

 _OOPS. ALPHA WAS RIGHT FOR ONCE,_ Zordon thought to himself, but it was too late to turn back now. Training the Power Rangers was like teaching puppies how to play fetch. Training _these_ examples of parental absence was going to be more like trying to potty train snakes, and getting them to poop in the toilet and flush afterwards. Letting out a heavy sigh, he told Alpha to give the new rangers their morphers.

Reluctantly, the robot handed out the goofy-looking watches to the six delinquents in the room. When he got to Teena, however, she wrapped her body around him and very rudely put her hand in a rather inappropriate place to stick one's hand, even if the "person" being touched is a robot. The other teens howled with laughter as Teena forcefully groped the poor robot in an attempt to find…certain…parts…

"Robot molester!" Stratter shouted, and Dirk and Synthe fell to the floor laughing hysterically.

"Ay yi yi yi yi yi yi! Stop it!" Alpha shouted in protest, "Whatever you're trying to find down there, I don't have it!"

"She's searchin' fo' yo' junk!" Devonte shouted.

"My—what?" Alpha said, clearly confused. He stood still just long enough for Teena to finish her uninvited search; finally realizing that Alpha didn't have THAT particular attachment. Realizing her kinky little fantasy wasn't going to be fulfilled, Teena took her morpher and went to go sulk.

Muttering something unintelligible, Alpha handed the last morpher to Synthe, who snatched it away from him in an ungrateful manner and slapped it on her wrist. "Hey, why do I get the only one with the white band?" she complained.

"Because, Synthe, you are the white ranger," said Zordon.

"I hate white! Can't I be the black ranger?" said Synthe.

"No, Synthe. You're not black," said Zordon.

"That's kind of racist," Stratter muttered under his breath.

"Why do I have to be white?!" said Synthe.

"Because, Synthe, you have very pale skin," said Zordon.

The teens all looked at each other, all thinking the same thing: _RACIST._

"Now that you have received your morphers and become the Danger Rangers, you must follow these rules," Zordon began, and all six teens groaned in disgust. There were several mutterings of "fuck you" from the group. Absolutely no one listened to Zordon's rules of:

Keep your identities secret

Don't instigate fights

Only use powers when necessary

By the time Zordon was finished speaking, Stratter had his headphones back on, and Dirk had passed out joints to the rest of them.

Zordon sighed. "RANGERS!" he boomed, "No smoking in the command center!"

The teens, now the Danger Rangers, let out a collective groan and put their joints out on the floor.

"Well, you have your powers now. What do you think?" said Alpha.

"It sucks! And so do you!" Synthe said, spitting a giant loogie on the floor.

"Yeah man, let's blow this joint," said Dirk. He and the others stormed out through the command center's double doors, only to find themselves out in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. They went right back inside.

"Alright sperm-tube, zap us back home, _right now_ ," said Synthe.

"You must agree to the terms and conditions of being rangers first," said Zordon.

"And if we don't?" Synthe said, raising an eyebrow.

"Then you will stay here," said Zordon.

"Well, in that case," Synthe said as she took her backpack off and handed out cans of spray paint to everyone (ironically, the colors of the spray cans matched the colors of the individual rangers) and the six of them sprayed graffiti all over everything, including Zordon and Alpha.

"That does it! Alpha! Teleport these delinquents out of the command center!" Zordon boomed.

"Yes! Thank you, Zordon!" Alpha said as he scurried over to one of the consoles and hit the teleport button, sending the disobedient youths back to where they came from.

"Ay yi yi yi yi!" look at this mess!" Alpha said as he looked at all the graffiti.

"Yes, Alpha, the cleaning supplies are downstairs. You're going to need them," said Zordon.

Meanwhile, the original Power Rangers were having a picnic in the park when the Danger Rangers were teleported in front of them.

"Um, how were you guys able to teleport?" said Kimberly.

"Some big jerkoff head in a tube wanted us to become something similar to the Power Rangers," said Synthe.

The Power Rangers all kind of froze, all taken aback by what Synthe had said.

"Yeah, and when he refused to let us outta his command chamber or what not cuz we wouldn't follow his stupid rules, we assaulted him with spray paint," said Stratter.

"Yeah, then his dorky little robot got us the fuck outta there," said Vivica.

"Hey! I like Alpha!" said Teena.

"Shut up, nympho!" said Vivica.

"Bitch!" Teena shot back.

"Whore!" said Vivica.

"Cunt!" said Teena.

"Robot molester," said Stratter.

Jason tapped his communicator. "Um, Zordon?" he said quietly.

"Yes, Jason?" came Zordon's voice.

"Why are the six worst behaved kids in Angel Grove talking about you?" said Jason.

"I will explain that later. Right now, Alpha is scrubbing all the F-words off of my tube," said Zordon.

Just then, the alarm went off in the command center. At the same time, zombies began digging themselves out of the ground all around the rangers. Of course, the Power rangers did their rather obnoxious morphing sequence, and went off to fight the zombies. About that same time, Zordon contacted the Danger Rangers and told them to use their powers.

"We might as well try it, man," said Dirk.

"FINE," Synthe said unenthusiastically, "It's morphin' time," she said flatly.

Nothing happened.

"You must announce your colors!" said Alpha.

"Now, that's just stupid!" said Synthe.

"Whatever. Red shit," said Stratter.

"Blue shit," said Dirk.

"Piss yellow," said Teena.

"Black shit," said Devonte.

"Pretty in pink!" said Vivica.

Synthe grumbled. "Fuckin' goddamn— _white_!" she said, and like magic, all of them were suddenly dressed in spandex.

"Ugh! This suit makes my hips look fat!" Vivica complained. She looked at her chest. "Do my boobs look small?" she said.

"I hope those zombies rip out your fake tits and eat them," Synthe said disgustedly. She turned to face the Power Rangers, who weren't faring too well against the ranks of the undead.

"Well, it's obvious why the Power Rangers are so damn incompetent. They don't know how to fight dirty. I say we tear these rotten maggot-corpses from limb to limb," said Stratter.

"EW! They have MAGGOTS?!" Vivica exclaimed.

"DUH!" the other Danger Rangers all shouted at her. Then, they proceeded to tear the zombies from limb to limb…literally. Once the zombies were defeated, the whole area was littered with dead, dismembered body parts, and the stench of rotten flesh and the buzzing of coffin flies filled the air.

The rangers all de-morphed, and immediately started gagging on the rotten stench.

"Wow, who's gonna clean this up?" said Trini.

"You guys," said Synthe.

"Yeah, we kicked they asses for you," said Devonte.

"Yeah! Seeya!" said Stratter.

"Hey! You guys _made_ this mess!" said Tommy.

" _Talk_ to the hand!" said Vivica. At that, the Danger Rangers split, leaving the Power Rangers to clean up after them.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Pest Problem

It was another beautiful, _beautiful_ day in the wonderful city of Angel Grove. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and oh yes, it was a Monday. Which meant school. Boring, _boring_ school.

Well, maybe not _that_ boring, after all, this was the one city that was notorious for having bizarre monster attacks on a near-daily basis.

Anyway, Ms. Appleby's class had to face another class in the school's dodgeball tournament, and that class just happened to be the one that the Danger rangers were in.

Their teacher, Mr. Killjoy, pulled Synthe to the side right in front of everyone as the game was about to begin. "Remember, Synthe, we throw the balls at the _other_ team, and no face shots," he said in his slow, drawling voice.

"No head shots, huh?" Synthe said with a snort, and promptly kicked Mr. Killjoy in the balls, causing him to topple over in pain. "Didn't say nothing about groin shots," she said with a smirk.

The dodgeball game went along smoothly for the first several minutes, with the respective teams pelting each other with the small, red and white balls. Then, the number of balls on the court seemed to grow inexplicably, and as if that wasn't strange enough, some of the balls started exploding like firecrackers and giving people nasty electrical shocks.

As per usual, most of the students panicked and an around screaming hysterically, behaving like they normally do whenever an emergency arose. One of the explosions sparked a minor electrical fire, in which a hysterical cheerleader ran headlong into, catching her clothes and hair on fire. She was so freaking dumb that she ran around screaming until she burned to death.

Mr. Caplan soon came storming into the gymnasium, almost getting trampled by screaming dolts while he was at it. "Synthe Terrvaak! Come with me right now!" he said.

"What the hell did I do?!" Synthe exclaimed.

"You cherry-bombed the dodgeball tournament, obviously!" said Mr. Caplan.

"What?! No I didn't!" Synthe exclaimed.

"How many times have I heard _that_ excuse? Now, come to my office!" said Mr. Caplan.

Synthe grumbled and stormed out the door, cursing to herself the entire time.

Up on the moon, the ever-present bitch Rita Repulsa had eaten one too many spicy bean burritos the other night, and as a result, had a bad case of diarrhea.

"I NEED TOILET PAPER!" Rita screamed from the lavatory.

Finster, Rita's right-hand monster, scurried to the supply closet, only to discover that they were all out of toilet paper. "Um, my empress," he said.

"WHERE'S MY TOILET PAPER?!" Rita screamed.

"Um—we're all out of toilet paper," Finster said sheepishly.

" _WHAAAAAAAAAT_?!" Rita screeched in an ear-splitting, high-pitched voice, "GO GET SOME THEN!"

"Yes, my empress," Finster said, scurrying off to go crank out some putty patrollers.

Meanwhile, the Danger Rangers (minus Synthe) had been summoned to the command center in regards to the exploding balls.

"Rangers, we are dealing with a potentially serious issue: Voltorbs have invaded the city of Angel Grove," said Zordon.

"Um, aren't Voltorbs Pokemon?" said Vivica.

"You are correct, Vivica," said Zordon.

"Like, there's no such thing," said Vivica.

"Behold," Alpha said, holding up a large glass jar with a juvenile Voltorb inside. The thing looked like a red and white bouncy ball with eyes.

"Okay…so we have some little red and white balls that like to explode and shock people. What's the big deal?" said Stratter.

"The big deal, rangers, is that they have volatile tempers, and like to explode and shock people," said Zordon.

"So?" said Vivica.

"People will inevitably get hurt," said Zordon.

"Who gives a fuck?" said Devonte.

"Your duty as a Ranger is to protect people from harm," said Zordon.

"Well, I don't give a fuck," said Devonte.

"You're wasting our time! Let's go," said Stratter. He hit the teleport button and zapped himself back to school. Vivica, Dirk, and Devonte did the same. Teena, however, stayed behind.

"Well, Teena, are you willing to help the citizens of Angel Grove?" said Alpha.

"I'll do anything for you, baby," said Teena.

Remembering how Teena had attempted a rather X-rated search for any junk in his trunk, Alpha sprinted over to the teleport button and got her the hell out of there before he could be groped again.

"Alpha, why did you do that? Teena was perfectly willing to help," said Zordon.

"That girl wants to rape me!" said Alpha.

"That's ridiculous, Alpha. Besides, it wouldn't hurt you to get laid once in a while," said Zordon. Then, the alarm went off. This time, it was the Power Rangers who were summoned to the command center.

"We're ready for whatever Rita has in store for us," said Jason.

"Ay yi yi yi yi! Rangers! Putties are attacking the supermarket, and they're taking all of the toilet paper!" said Alpha.

The Power Rangers exchanged glances. "Why are they taking the toilet paper?" Kimberly said, confused.

"Apparently, Rita has a bad case of diarrhea. Seems like she still doesn't know what a refrigerator is after all these years," said Zordon.

"Gross," said Kimberly.

"Well, I guess we'd better go save the city's supply of toilet paper," said Zach.

The Power Rangers screamed out their loud, obnoxiously drawn out morphing sequence (you know, yelling out dinosaur names) and teleported to the supermarket.

Synthe kicked down the door to the principal's office on her way out. She had already earned herself three days worth of in school suspension, and she had every intent to just ditch school right then and there, and tell the truancy officer to "lick my twat" like she typically did whenever she ditched school. Spotting the truancy officer out of the corner of her eye, Synthe proceeded to storm out the main entrance.

"Where do you think you're going, young lady?" the truancy officer said.

"Away from here! And you can go screw a Japanese robot—OK what the fuck?" Synthe said, realizing that she was, in fact, speaking to just that—a Japanese robot. One that looked strikingly similar to those from the Kilroy Was Here album art, at that.

"That is not appropriate language, young lady," the robot said.

"Whatever, go fuck yourself," Synthe said as she walked out the door The robot, however, followed and grabbed her by the arm. "It is my duty to keep students in school," it said.

Growling, Synthe twisted out of its grasp. She whipped out a can of spray paint and sprayed it in the robot's eyes, chucked the can against its head, and got the hell out of there.

The Power Rangers showed up at the local supermarket to find putties ransacking the store while making off with all the toilet paper. Panicked customers ran around screaming hysterically (typical emergency protocol around those parts) some of them in such a panic that they repeatedly ran into walls until they literally knocked themselves unconscious. The Power Rangers did the usual kicking of the putties' asses and left, even though Rita's dumb little minions had made off with over 100 cases of toilet paper. The bad thing about this was that there were only a dozen rolls of toilet paper left on the shelves, and the next shipment wasn't due until next week. So, Angel Grove now had a toilet paper shortage, and there was nothing that the Power Rangers could do about _that_.

As the day was winding down and coming to an end, both sets of rangers met up at the park. Dirk was smoking pot, and Synthe was smoking a cigarette, much to the goody-goody Power Rangers disgust.

"You know, smoking is bad for you," said Trini.

"Yeah, so?" Synthe said, flicking ashes in Trini's nice, shiny black hair.

"Smoking is the leading cause of lung cancer. You really should quit," said Billy.

Synthe snorted, blowing smoke out her nose. "Don't tell me how to live my life," she said.

"Did Zordon call you guys to the command center for anything today?" said Jason.

"Umm…yeah, somethin' about…Voltorbs, man," said Dirk.

"What're Voltorbs?" said Kimberly.

"Have you been living in a box? They're Pokemon, and I guess, like, we have an infestation or something," said Vivica.

The Power Rangers all gave her blank stares.

"They're those little exploding balls," said Stratter.

"Mmm…exploding balls," Teena said, leaning towards Stratter.

Stratter scooted away.

"What did you guys do about it?" said tommy.

"Nothin'," said Devonte.

" _Nothing_?!" Jason exclaimed.

"Well, we did tell Zordon he was wasting our time, and stormed out of the command center," said Stratter.

"How could you just do nothing?!" said Kimberly.

"Do we look like exterminators?" Stratter said with a shrug.

"Yeah, tell the people of Angel Grove to go get some mothafuckin' rat poison," said Devonte.

"Or tell the fuckin' dolts to put the Voltorbs to good use and defend their damn selves against all those stupid monsters," said Synthe.

"Then, Bulk and Skull came into the picture, both carrying tubas and playing them obnoxiously.

" _What_ are you two fools doin'?" said Devonte.

"Hey, we're not fools!" said Bulk.

"Yeah, you're the fools!" said Skull.

"Yeah!" said Bulk.

"Yeah!" said Skull.

Bulk took an arrogant stance, making himself look like even more of an idiot. "We're starting our own marching band!" he said.

"For what?" said Vivica.

"To raise money!" said Skull.

"For us!" said Bulk.

There was a pause.

"Run along and die, now," said Synthe. Before Bulk and Skull could say anything, Synthe picked up a Voltorb and threw it, landing it inside Bulk's tuba. The Voltorb promptly exploded, therefore blowing up the tuba, and sending shards of metal everywhere. One rather large piece hit Kimberly on the head, knocking her out.

"Omigod!" Trini exclaimed.

"Someone call an ambulance!" said Billy.

"Call your own damn ambulance," said Synthe. She tossed her cigarette into a nearby wastebasket, which promptly went up in flames. She and the rest of the Danger Rangers got up and left, not wanting to be around once the police arrived.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

An Inconvenient Malfunction

It was the middle of the night, around 1:30 or so, and Alpha had malfunctioned in the middle of his recharging cycle, spazzed out, and tumbled out of bed. Yes, for some reason, the robot had a bed. He landed on the floor with a loud thud, and hit his head on the end table (again, why is he allowed to have furniture?) causing the alarm clock to fall over and hit him in the head.

"Owww…" Alpha moaned as he wiped his visor. His optics didn't want to adjust though, so he fumbled for the light switch. When he finally did turn the lights on, however, the light damn near blinded him.

After a few minutes, Alpha decided to go back to bed and finish recharging. However, he still couldn't recharge properly, and come morning, he wasn't doing any better.

"Morning, Zordon," he mumbled as he stumbled out into the inner circle.

"Ah, there you are, Alpha. I was wondering where you were. Would you please contact the Power Rangers? I have detected an infestation of Voltorbs in the basement," said Zordon.

"Right, Zordon," Alpha replied. He was about to open up communications when his body decided to hate him and froze up completely.

Zordon let out a sigh. "If you want anything done right, you must do it yourself," he muttered.

Jason's communicator beeped. "What is it, Zordon?" he said in an overly serious tone of voice.

"Jason, tell Billy to report to the command center. Something appears to be wrong with Alpha," said Zordon.

"I'm on it," said Jason.

"Oh, and Jason?" said Zordon.

"What is it?" said Jason.

"Tell him to bring a phone book," said Zordon.

"What for?" Jason asked, puzzled.

"I must call for an exterminator," said Zordon. At that, he cut off communications.

"An exterminator?" Jason said, confused. Shaking his head, he got on th4e phone and called Billy.

Well, Billy got to the command center, and ran a whole series of diagnostics on Alpha—and found out that he had a rather unpleasant computer virus. Now, when it came time to try to find out just _how_ he got that virus, Zordon told him to contact Synthe, of all people.

Synthe was in the middle of playing a video game when her communicator beeped. "Whaddya want, sperm-tube?" she said.

"Zordon has a name, Synthe, and by the way—" Billy started.

"Oh, hi, NERD. What do _you_ want, goggle-eyes?" said Synthe.

Billy sighed. "Synthe, Zordon told me to contact you because Alpha is ill," he said.

There was a pause as Synthe took a full thirty seconds to roll her eyes and heave a sigh. "So what?" she finally replied.

"This could be potentially serious—" said Billy.

"I don't care," Synthe cut in.

"It is a mystery as to where Alpha got the virus in the first place," said Billy.

"Was he on the internet recently?" said Synthe.

"I do not know. Let me go ask," said Billy. A few moments passed, and then he said, "Affirmative."

"Well, _that_ explains it," said Synthe.

"Synthe, do you have any suggestions for treatment?" said Zordon.

"Yeah: Go to the computer store, pick up some anti-virus software, and run it through his disc drive—and for god's sakes, tell Alpha to stop having unprotected cybersex!" said Synthe,

"Will do," said Billy.

Well, Billy did just that…and it didn't work. So, Synthe was contacted once more.

"DAMMIT!" Synthe yelled into her communicator, "You know, I _almost_ had the high score there, until _you_ went and fucked it all up!"

"There is a much more pressing issue at hand," said Zordon.

"This had _better_ be important," said Synthe.

"I need you to come to the command center. Alpha 5 is still malfunctioning,"' said Zordon.

Synthe let out a half-growl, half-sigh. "Look, I don't _care_ about that stupid, idiotic, retarded rustbucket of bolts. Fix your own malfunctioning piece of crap!" at that, she turned her communicator off.

"Her communicator is disabled," said Billy.

"Try her telephone," said Zordon.

"Yes, yes, yes!" Synthe said as she pounded away at the buttons on her controller. She was just about to get to the next level, when:

 _RRRIIIINGG! RRRIIIINGG!_

"God fucking dammit!" Synthe shouted as she flung her controller through the living room window in a fit of rage. The controller went sailing through the open window and out into the middle of the street, where it smashed through the windshield of a passing car, causing the driver to swerve and crash into a light pole, which in turn toppled over and landed on someone's house.

 _RRRIIIINGG! RRRIIIINGG!_

Synthe picked up the phone. "Who the fuck is this?!" she demanded.

"Is that how you normally answer the phone?" said Billy.

Synthe balled her free hand into a fist. "Alright, goggledygeek, tell sperm-tube that I am NOT an on-call robot doctor! Alpha will be FINE, trust me!" At that, she hung up.

Heaving a sigh, Billy turned and faced Zordon. "I am curious, why do you want Synthe's help—I mean, she is most certainly not being very helpful," he said.

"Synthe is excellent with electronics, plus she is familiar with Alpha's circuitry," said Zordon.

"If that is true, then why is she unwilling to help us?" said Billy.

"If I could tell you, I would," said Zordon.

Shaking his head, Billy left the inner circle and went into Alpha's room.

"Billy! Have you had any luck contacting Synthe?" said Alpha.

"Negative," said Billy.

Alpha looked down and put his head in his hands dejectedly.

"Don't worry about her. Synthe is—well, she's not a nice person," said Billy.

"Something's just not right," Alpha said as he lay down and halfway curled up.

"You can always tell me what's wrong, Alpha," said Billy.

Alpha didn't respond verbally. Instead, he just pulled the covers over himself. Shaking his head, Billy turned out the lights. "Get some rest, Alpha," he said with a sigh.

The rest of the day went by with no major incident. It was during the middle of the night that things got just a tad bit fucked up. Billy was once again called to the command center to check up on Alpha, only to discover that the robot was completely unresponsive. This prompted the rest of the Power Rangers to get their asses out of bed and teleport to the command center. Obviously, they needed Synthe's help, and _now_. The problem of the matter was that Synthe wasn't willing to help.

After discussing the matter for over half an hour, Zordon and the Power Rangers decided to teleport Synthe to the command center against her will.

Synthe landed on the floor, half asleep and dressed in a very skimpy negligee. Her thong was clearly visible through the sheer lining that made up her "skirt".

"Mmph...man, where's my—WHAT THE FUCK?!" Synthe shouted as she suddenly awoke to realize where she was. She stood up, dusted herself off, and yelled, "What in the hall is the meaning of this?! You had better have a damn good reason for teleporting me here in front of all these guys half-naked like this!"

"Synthe, a rather grave issue has arisen—" Zordon started.

"Blah-dee-blah-blah-blah! Cut to the chase, sperm-tube!" said Synthe.

Zordon sighed. "Alpha has become unresponsive, Synthe," he said.

Synthe growled. " _What_?! You mean to tell me you brought me here, with no warning at all, not even a chance to throw a robe on, BECAUSE YOUR STUPID FUCKING ROBOT BROKE DOWN?!" she shouted.

"Synthe, if you will allow me to speak—" Zordon started.

"Oh _boy_ , here comes a lecture. _Yay_ ," Synthe said sarcastically.

"—you may not see it this way, but Alpha is more than just another piece of machinery in this command center—"

Synthe opened and closed her hand as if it was a talking puppet, in a mocking sort of way.

"—the Rangers and I would greatly appreciate your help. I know you are not particularly fond of Alpha 5, you have made that perfectly clear—"

Synthe was now picking her nose and flicking her boogers onto a rather important-looking control console.

"—I would hope that you would realize that this whole situation may be far more serious than we had previously thought—"

"Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo!" Synthe said, twirling her index finger around her ear.

Zordon heaved a sigh. "Synthe, did you listen to a single word I said?"

"Nope," Synthe said nonchalantly. She headed for the teleport button. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm going back to bed," She was about to zap herself back home when Kimberly grabbed her arm.

"Synthe, please—Alpha really needs our help," she said.

"Billy will figure it out eventually. Now, stop bothering me!" Synthe said crossly.

"This is serious, though! By the time Billy figures this out, it might be too late!" said Trini.

"It couldn't be _that_ bad, could it? It's just a stupid virus—" Synthe froze, as if something had just dawned on her. She turned to Billy and said, "I need to see those diagnostics."

Billy darted off and quickly returned with a rather large stack of paper. Synthe snatched it out of his hands, took a seat on the control consoles, and read through it. Several minutes passed before she said, "Has Alpha always had all these bizarre programming anomalies?"

"What do you mean?" Billy said, looking puzzled.

"C'mere," Synthe said, gesturing for him to come look, and then pointing at the paper.

"He's always had these—wait—this is new," Billy said, looking at the paper.

"Synthe—do you know what's wrong with him?" said Kimberly.

Synthe shook her head. "No, but this shit looks awfully familiar," she said, and shoved the papers back in Billy's hands. As if acting on instinct, she sprung to her feet and sprinted into Alpha's room. She then looked at the robot's circuitry, and hastily repaired several bad connections. Moments later, Alpha regained consciousness.

"Ay yi yi yi yi! Thank goodness you were able to fix me, Billy! I thought for sure I was—" Alpha began.

"Have you gone blind?! My name is not _Billy_ ," Synthe said, cutting him off mid-sentence.

Alpha looked at her. "Synthe! You're the last person I ever expected to—ay yi yi yi yi! Why are you half naked?!"

"Well, if your stupid ass hadn't started malfunctioning, I wouldn't have been teleported here in the middle of the night without my clothes on, thank you! Now, do me a favor and try not to break down while I'm trying to sleep!" Synthe said, before she spun around and stormed out of the room.

"Synthe, wait!" Alpha called after her.

Synthe poked her head in the doorway. "What?" she said pointedly.

"Thank you," said Alpha.

"You're annoying," Synthe said as she slammed the door.

"Some people never change. Oh well," said Alpha.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Daleks vs Delinquents

It was a beautiful, sunny day in the constantly chaotic city of Angel Grove. Yes, it would have been a perfect day to be outside, if not for the fact that it was a school day.

Alpha 5 had been malfunctioning quite a bit for the last several days, and Synthe had become rather sleep deprived, and sick as hell of fixing him.

"—and as you all should know by now—I shouldn't have to be re-hashing this lesson _again_ , but since so many of you keep flunking your exams, we will have to start this lesson again…from the beginning," said Mr. Killjoy.

A collective groan filled the classroom

"Now, everybody pull out your history books, and go back to page one, where we will be—" Mr. Killjoy paused as loud snoring reverberated through the classroom. He cleared his throat loudly. "Synthe," he said sternly, but Synthe was fast asleep at her desk.

"Synthe," Mr. Killjoy said, raising his voice now. The rest of the students giggled.

"Miss Terrvaak!" Mr. Killjoy shouted, this time waking her up. "Do you need to go see the nurse?"

"Fuck you," Synthe said as she laid her head back on her desk, promptly falling asleep.

"Oh, who am I kidding? We all know I'll have a much easier time teaching this class without her constantly disrupting it," Mr. Killjoy thought to himself, and resumed teaching. He was right, with Synthe asleep at her desk, there were far fewer paper airplanes and spitballs flying around the room.

Of course, not a day could go by in Angel Grove without something attacking the city. Honestly, it's surprising the city hasn't been abandoned due to all the freaking monster attacks.

So, while the Danger Rangers were getting bored halfway to their graves by their incredibly boring teacher, the Power Rangers got summonsed to the command center.

"Ay yi yi yi yi yi yi!" Alpha said, flailing his arms wildly.

"Calm down, Alpha," said Billy.

"Yeah, what's Rita got in store for us this time?" said Zach.

"Ay yi yi yi yi! It's not Rita! It's _those_!" Alpha said, pointing at the viewing globe.

"What the hell _are_ those things?" said Jason.

"Watch your language, Jase. We're Power Rangers. We're not supposed to swear," said Tommy.

"Alpha?" Billy said, turning to the robot.

"That's the problem! I don't know what they are! Neither does Zordon! All we know is they're destroying everything in their path!" said Alpha.

The Power Rangers all took a moment to observe the new breed of monsters that was attacking—you guessed it—Angel Grove Park. Shockingly, the people of Angel Grove still go to that park, even though it frequently becomes a war zone. _These_ monsters, however, made Rita Repulsa's minions look harmless. They looked sort of like overturned trash cans with guns, shooting and/or blowing up everything in their path.

"C'mon guys, let's put an end to that walking trash can rampage," said Jason.

The Power Rangers teleported to the park, directly in the path of the marauding dustbins.

"GET OUT OF OUR WAY!" one of the tank-like monsters screeched.

"We're the Power Rangers!" said Tommy.

"VERY WELL! EX-TER-MIN-ATE!" a second dustbin screamed, firing off a nasty-looking blue beam that narrowly missed Kimberly's head.

"Hey! You're supposed to let us morph first!" said Trini.

"EX-TER-MIN-ATE!"

Trini ducked just in time to avoid getting her head blasted off.

"C'mon guys, its morphin' time!" said Jason.

"Triceratops!" Billy shouted.

"Mastodon!" Zach shouted.

"Ptero—" Kimberly started.

"EX-TER-MIN-ATE!"

"Alright, you guys really aren't fighting fair!" said Zach.

"DALEKS DO NOT FIGHT FAIR!" the first monster screeched.

"EXTERMINATE!" a second one chimed in.

"EX-TER-MIN-ATE! EX-TER-MIN-ATE!" all the Daleks chorused, all the while blasting away with their ray guns.

"Shit! Those things are gonna kill us!" said Jason.

"Don't swear!" said Trini.

Ignoring her, Jason tapped his communicator. "Get us outta here, Zordon! These creatures are just too powerful!"

A split second later, the Power Rangers appeared back in the command center.

"Rangers! Are you all right?" Alpha said worriedly.

"We're alive," said Zach.

"We also know what those things call themselves," Jason said, trying to sound as important as possible.

"They're called Daleks," said Tommy.

"Ay yi yi yi yi! What do we do, Zordon?" said alpha.

Zordon sighed unenthusiastically. "We call the Danger Rangers," he said.

"Not them," Zach moaned.

"Yes, _them_. Alpha, you know what to do," said Zordon.

"But, Zordon-!" Alpha protested.

"I'm afraid we have no choice. Those delinquents are the only chance we have against those Daleks," said Zordon.

Meanwhile, back at school:

"—and that, class, is why you all need to really start paying attention to your lessons. If you paid more attention, we wouldn't have to go over the same thing again and again and—" Mr. Killjoy paused as the Danger Rangers' communicators all went off simultaneously.

"Whose video game is that I'm hearing?" said Mr. Killjoy.

"Um, excuse us, Mr. Killjoy, we have to use the restroom," said Vivica.

"All of us," said Stratter.

The Danger Rangers got up and left the classroom, all except Synthe, who was still snoozing at her desk. Seconds later, Devonte went back into the classroom and woke her up. "C'mon Synthe, we have to go _to the restroom_ ," he said.

"What? I ain't gotta go to the toilet," said Synthe.

"Just—c'mon!" Devonte said as he dragged her out of the classroom.

"That was strange," said Mr. Killjoy.

The Danger Rangers materialized in the command center, all of them thankful to be away from their incredibly boring teacher.

"Thank goodness you're here, rangers! Observe the viewing globe—no—Teena! Ay yi yi yi yi!" Alpha said as Teena once again attempted to fondle him. Devonte and Stratter quickly restrained her. Dirk, who was now smoking a joint, sat in front of the viewing globe as if it was a television. "Cool, man! I didn't know you liked Doctor Who! I've never seen this episode before, man. Is it new?" he said.

"Um, Dirk—" Synthe said, sounding more awake than she had been all day.

"Sssh! Don't tell me! I've never seen it! Ohh, _dude_! Did you see that? That Dalek just totally blew up that transformer, man!" said Dirk.

"Dirk, that's not—" Synthe started.

"Aw, dude, where's the Doctor? Man, those Daleks are just raising hell, man! _Dude_! That looks just like Angel Grove Park, man!" said Dirk.

"Yeah, that's because it _is_ Angel Grove Park, and you're _not_ watching Doctor Who, and those Daleks are _real_ ," said Synthe.

"Ohhh! So _that's_ why it looks so real—because it _is_ real—wait a minute, that's not good, man…" Dirk said, and finished his joint with one huge drag.

Synthe gave the Power Rangers a dirty look. "Don't tell me: You guys were so damn focused on fighting fair that you completely overlooked the Daleks' biggest and most obvious weakness," she said rather condescendingly.

The Power Rangers all looked at her, clueless.

"You guys are stupid. Blind them. You can also sneak up behind them and lift off the top half of their shells," said Synthe.

"Well, what we waitin' fo'? Let's beat they tin can asses!" said Devonte.

The Danger Rangers morphed _before_ they left the command center. Unfortunately, Alpha teleported them directly in front of the Daleks, instead of behind them, like Synthe had suggested.

"Damn fucking stupid robot! Always listens to that idiotic jerkoff in a tube! Moron!" Synthe yelled, taking a fistful of mud and splatting it on the lens of one of the Daleks' eye stalks.

"I CANNOT SEE! EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY!" the Dalek shrieked as it bumbled about blindly, shooting and destroying two of the others before finally being "exterminated" by a fourth one.

"See how easy that was?" said Synthe.

The Danger Rangers split up. Vivica and Teena had sneaked up behind one of the Daleks and unhinged its shell. Unfortunately for Vivica, Synthe had neglected to mention the fact that there was a disgusting, slimy, blobby, tentacled mutant inside of that shell.

"EeeEEeeuUUuWwww! Ew, ew, EWW!" Vivica squealed in disgust. While her back was turned, Teena took the mutant out of its shell and hurled it at Vivica. The disgusting creature splattered all over Vivica's helmet like an oversized bug. Vivica screamed like a little sissy girl and went running off to go find the nearest shower.

This left one Dalek, which Synthe claimed as hers. She, too, unlatched its shell and took the mutant out. However, she smuggled it into the command center.

The Power Rangers and the Danger Rangers all celebrated the defeat of these new, formidable enemies. In the midst of the celebration, Synthe cleared her throat to get everyone's attention. "Hey, sperm-tube!" she said loudly.

"Synthe, my name is—" Zordon started.

"Whatever. _Anyway_ , I couldn't help but notice that you had us teleported right in the path of those Daleks. We could have been killed because of your idiocy, and just for that!" Synthe said, as she threw the Dalek mutant as hard as she could at Zordon's tube, causing the thing to bust and splatter all over the place. It was a nasty, stinky mess. The Danger Rangers, except for Vivica, all busted up laughing.

"Well, suppose we'll be going now," said Stratter.

"Wait! Danger Rangers! Synthe! Come back here and clean up this—dang it!" Zordon said as the Danger Rangers had already left the command center.

Tommy sighed loudly. "I'll get a mop," he said.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

What a Gas

It was another ordinary, average day in Angel Grove. The bees were stinging, the flies were biting, the putties were attacking random people—well, at least until someone figured out that if you throw junk food at them, they'll calm down and leave you well enough alone.

Of course, Rita Repulsa was none too happy about having her pathetic minions tamed so easily. So, after hours upon hours of screaming, bitching, and moaning, Rita ordered her most loyal hench-idiot, Finster, to create the foulest, most disgusting monster possible. Finster obeyed, and cranked out a creature that looked like a disfigured baboon with an oversized buttocks.

As it just so happened to be a Saturday, the Power Rangers had all decided to meet up at the Youth Center.

As Jason and Tommy showed off their martial arts moves, both going out of their way to be as loud and obnoxious as possible, Synthe successfully stole their thunder and drew all the attention to herself by kicking in the front door and storming over to Billy's table, kicking over tables and chairs as she crossed the room. Glaring daggers at Billy, she plopped down in the chair in front of him. "Enough! I've had _enough_!" she said loudly.

"Are you alright?" said Billy.

"Oh, fine, just FINE!" Synthe said sarcastically, "Other than the fact that I just got thoroughly electrocuted! I am REALLY starting to hate that goddamn malfunctioning bucket of bolts!"

Billy's eyes darted around the room as just about everyone stared at Synthe like she had just sprouted a tail. "Synthe—we're not supposed to talk about that out in public," he said in a hushed voice.

"I don't give a fuck!" Synthe shouted, standing up abruptly, "Take care of your own stupid fucking broken robot!" at that, she thundered out the back door, dumping Bulk's smoothie over his head on her way out.

Bulk's face turned beet red. "I _really_ hate her," he muttered to himself.

"What's bothering her?" said Jason.

"Alpha, obviously," said Tommy.

Trini looked at them. "Maybe we should go pay him a visit—before Synthe blows her top," she said.

"Excellent idea," Billy said as he surveyed the damage that had just been done to the Youth Center.

Moments later, Synthe stormed back inside, cut to the front of the line at the juice bar, screamed her order, and flung a fistful of money in Ernie's face.

"Yeah, let's go," said Kimberly.

About two hours later, the Danger Rangers all met up at the park. After chasing all the kids away from the playground (and robbing them of their ice cream money), they proceeded to spray paint obscene graffiti all over the place. They would have all been hauled off to jail by the local police, if Rita's monster hadn't shown its ugly ass and scared off all the cops.

"Danger Rangers! Surrender now or feel my wrath!" the monster shouted.

The danger Rangers all exchanged glances, shrugged their shoulders, and said, "Eh," before resuming their mischief.

The monster cleared its throat loudly. "I _said_ , surrender! Or feel my wrath!"

There was a brief pause.

"Whatever!" Vivica said, sounding as stuck up as possible.

"Goddammit! Do I have to attack you?" the monster said, frustrated.

"Go ahead," said Stratter.

There was another pause.

"Well, aren't you gonna morph?" said the monster.

"Nah," said Teena.

" _What_?!" the monster exclaimed.

"Well, considering the fact that you're obviously one of Rita Repulsa's pathetic creations, a two year old could probably kick your ass," said Stratter.

"I'll show you!" the monster said, turning its oversized buttocks on the Danger Rangers…and letting out a long, drawn-out, loud, incredibly foul smelling fart. That fart smelled so terrible that it sent the Danger Rangers running for fresh air.

Finally upwind of the horribly stinky rear end, the Danger Rangers all gagged, coughed, and gasped for fresh air. Teena vomited into a bush because the stench was so foul. Vivica vomited simply because she had an excuse to. However, because Vivica hardly ever ate anything, she mostly just gagged.

"Ugh! I think Rita might've created a better-than-half-assed monster this time," said Stratter.

Teena became even more disgusted and began puking harder.

"Don't say 'ass'," said Synthe.

"Yeah, man, that fart smelled worse than three day old shitty kitty litter, man," said Dirk.

Teena got so busy being sick that the forgot to take a breath, and ended up passing out face-first into the bush she had puked all over.

"Like, maybe we should talk to that big head in a tube about this," said Vivica.

"You know, for once in your life, you're right about something. I guess you're not a _complete_ waste of human flesh and blood," said Synthe.

"Whadda we do with her, man?" Dirk said, pointing to Teena.

"Leave it to me, guys, leave it to me," Devonte said as he gathered up some empty beer cans and put them all around Teena. "There. Now everyone will just think she got drunk,"

The Danger Rangers, minus Teena, all teleported to the command center.

"Ah, there you are, Danger Rangers," said Zordon, "I see you have encountered Rita's most disgusting creation yet: The farting Farticon. Its foul-smelling flatulence is powerful enough to make people become violently ill. A single fart from this monster could knock out a fully grown elephant,"

"Yeah, we know _that_ much," said Stratter.

"We got a full mothafuckin' ass-blast from dat thing!" said Devonte.

"The Farticon can only be destroyed by corking up its butt hole," said Zordon.

The Danger Rangers giggled.

"You see, if the monster cannot properly r4elease its gas, it will explode. This, of course, will be quite messy, but it is the only way to stop this monster from befouling the city with its flatulence," said Zordon.

"Now, wait a minute! I ain't gettin' nowhere near the ass end of that nasty…ass!" said Devonte.

"That's why Billy and I have created special scent-blocking gas masks for you to wear underneath your helmets," said Alpha.

"Perfect!" Dirk said as Billy and Trini wheeled out a cart with several gas masks on it.

"Wow, Alpha actually made himself useful! I didn't think he was capable of that," Synthe said caustically.

"That's not very nice, Synthe," said Kimberly.

"Yeah, well neither is that filthy fart monster. C'mon, guys, its morphin' time," said Synthe,

The Danger Rangers strapped on their gas masks and morphed.

"Rangers, wait!" said Alpha.

"Oh, what now?!" Synthe said disgustedly.

"You'll need this," Alpha said, handing her an oversized cork. Synthe took it and handed it to Vivica. "You do the dirty work," she said.

"Ugh!" Vivica scoffed.

Moments later, the Danger Rangers all teleported back in front of the Farticon.

"I see you're back for more!" Farticon said, then turned and let loose with what was probably one of the most disgusting farts known to man. The stench was so bad that everyone downwind either got sick or passed out or both. The Danger Rangers, however, were unfazed.

"Impossible! How could you not smell that?!" Farticon yelled angrily.

"Gas masks, muthafucka!" said Devonte. He, Synthe, Dirk, and Stratter then proceeded to distract the monster, while Vivica sneaked up behind it and plugged up its butt hole with the cork. Vivica then got out of the way as the monst4er attempted to fart again. The Danger Rangers all backed off and took cover as Farticon kept straining harder and harder to release its foul gas buildup, until it finally blew itself into a million smelly bits.

The Danger Rangers then returned to the command center, had their suits decontaminated, laundered, and sprayed heavily with strong perfume. After that was all said and done, they returned to their respective homes and showered at least three times apiece. As for Teena, the police eventually found her and threw her in the drunk tank. She eventually got released after passing a whole battery of sobriety tests. Needless to say, she was not happy with her fellow Danger Rangers for quite a while after that.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

An Abusive Alien

Once upon yet another day that was bound to be chaotic in Angel Grove, the local high school had a big costume party. Ass this costume party was in full swing, a rather powerful shape-shifting creature decided to drop in, so cleverly disguised as a human female. Unfortunately, this shape-shifting creature completely failed to realize that all the actual humans were wearing costumes, and she was the only one who was not.

The shapeshifter did not go completely unnoticed however, this time it was Rita and not Zordon who detected her presence. Being the dipshit she is, Rita decided that she, too, would attend the costume party, cleverly disguised as herself.

As if this wasn't already enough of a recipe for disaster, Zordon had personally given Alpha permission to attend the party.

All of the Power Rangers, along with the Danger Rangers were already there: Kimberly and Trini were dressed as princesses; Vivica and Teena dressed as prostitutes. Zach was a pirate; Devonte was a prison inmate. Billy was a mad scientist; Dirk was Bob Marley (and smoking a real joint to boot). Jason was a gorilla; Stratter…well, he was just dressed in drag. Tommy was Frankenstein's monster; Synthe showed up wearing nothing but a bed sheet.

As if the Danger Rangers weren't making enough of a scene with their classless attire, Rita Repulsa seemed to be drawing plenty of attention to herself as she knocked down tables and chairs and yelled, "Zymmian!"

"Who the hell is Zymmian?!" said Devonte.

"I dunno, but we'd better keep an eye on her," said Jason. At that, the other rangers all nodded.

Alpha 5 couldn't help but notice Rita (seeing that she was being so obnoxious), so he made a bee line for the other side of the dance hall. That's where he ran straight into Zymmian, who, as a matter of fact, was the shapeshifter that Rita was looking for.

Zymmian, who was actually there because her date had ditched her and dumped her there, grabbed hold of Alpha and ordered him to dance.

"Um, no thank you—I—I've got to go somewhere," said Alpha, but Zymmian clasped her hands very tightly around his wrists. "Stay!" she barked, frightening Alpha even more.

"I've got to go! Let me go!" Alpha said as he struggled to free himself from the vise grip.

"Dance!" Zymmian said menacingly.

"No, no, please! Ay yi yi yi yi! Let me go!" Alpha protested.

"You're mine now!" Dance, you fool!" Zymmian growled.

Alpha looked for the Power rangers in the hopes that they would rescue him, but they were busy keeping Rita Repulsa in check. Obviously, someone had spiked the punch, and Rita had drunk the whole bowl, and was more than a little bit drunk. The Danger Rangers, who were most obviously responsible for spilling the punch, were nowhere in sight.

Zymmian, who had fully expected Alpha to be just another human in costume, was in for one hell of a surprise when the robot took a tumble and twisted his knee, causing it to throw sparks. Taken aback by this, Zymmian held Alpha's wrists even tighter and forcefully escorted him into the ladies' restroom.

"I don't think I'm supposed to go in there…" Alpha said warily, by Zymmian ignored him and shoved him in the cripple stall. She then locked herself inside, and ordered Alpha to take his costume off.

"W-What?" Alpha stammered.

"You heard me! Strip!" Zymmian snapped.

"But—" Alpha protested.

"Off with your clothes!" Zymmian barked.

"But, I'm not wearing any—" Alpha started.

"TAKE IT OFF!" Zymmian roared.

"Ay yi yi yi yi!" Alpha exclaimed.

Zymmian then grabbed hold of him and unsuccessfully tried to rip his head off. Then, at almost the same exact moment, Kimberly entered the restroom to take a piss, and sat on the pot in the stall next to Zymmian, who had successfully dislodged Alpha's back panel, thereby discovering that he was, in fact, a robot. Disgusted, she bitch slapped him upside his head and screamed virtually incoherent steams of swear words at him.

"You deceiving, lying, dick licking, ass ramming, uncle fucking, shit eating, goddamn fucking little cunt!"

Kimberly now wondered what in the hell was going on in the next stall, and who in the world would be cussing that freaking much, and for what reason. Zymmian had to have called Alpha a fucking cunt at least twenty times before he could get a word in edgewise. Of course, the moment Zymmian paused to take a breath, the robot blurted out his typical catchphrase: "Ay yi yi yi yi!  
Kimberly climbed atop the toilet and peeked over the partition between the two stalls. She saw Alpha, but before she could do anything, Rita came barging into the restroom, announcing quite loudly that she had to take a piss. Kimberly ducked back into her stall as Rita slammed the door shut on the other side.

Rita made quite a racket as she pulled up her skirts, grunting and groaning and bitching and moaning the whole time about how inconvenient these "filthy human toilets" were. Her bathroom habits in general were rather unpleasant, as she stood over the pot with one leg on either side, letting out a boisterous " _Aaaaahhhhh!_ That feels _much_ better!" as she did her business. Her aim was not so wonderful, as some of the urine—well, a lot of the urine—ended up on the floor.

Kimberly held her nose and remained standing upon the toilet in case any of that filth was to seep under the door.

Rita was making a stink in more ways than one. The smell was so bad that Zymmian poked her head over the partition to see what smelled so bad, and told Kimberly to give a courtesy flush.

"It's not me…it's her," Kimberly said as she gestured to the stall on the opposite side.

"Oh mother of god. Even where I come from, females don't piss on the floor," said Zymmian. She dove back into her stall as Trini entered the restroom.

"Oh, sick," Trini said as she saw what was splattered on the floor under the stall nearest to her.

Rita, who was all pissed off (in all aspects of the phrase), tried to clean up by rubbing the whole roll of toilet paper in the puddle on the floor that she was now standing in. Finally realizing that it was no use, she gave up and threw the soaking roll of piss paper in the toilet with a splash. She then tried flushing the toilet, and clogged it up.

At that moment, everyone came out of the stalls. For a moment, everyone just froze, all apparently looking at each other.

"You!" Rita screeched, sticking her finger in Kimberly's face.

"Ugh! Wash your hands! EW!" Kimberly exclaimed, twisting her face up in disgust.

Trini's eyes slowly drifted across the room, finally settling on Alpha. "Alpha?! What're you-?!" she said, bewildered.

"Ay yi yi," was the dazed robot's reply.

"You! I was looking for you!" Rita shouted, pointing a dirty finger at Zymmian.

At that, Zymmian transformed into her normal form, which was still humanoid, but with scaly green skin. Then, the two Power Rangers morphed and all hell broke loose in the ladies' room. Rita ended up with a toilet on her head, and Zymmian grabbed Alpha and ran out into the hallway with him, where she met the rest of the Power Rangers. Figuring that she was cornered, she used the robot as a shield. Thus, the Power Rangers wouldn't fight her, as one wrong move could do some serious harm to the robot that was being held hostage.

"Look—just let Alpha go, please," Trini begged.

"NO!" Zymmian barked.

"We'll let you go—but you've gotta let us have Alpha back," said Jason.

Zymmian shook her head fervently; an evil glint in her eye. "No," she said, grinning wickedly. "He's mine, ALL MINE!" she said with a cackle, and abruptly teleported off to who-knows-where, taking Alpha with her.

Immediately, the Power Rangers teleported to the command center, where the Danger Rangers were waiting.

"Zordon, Alpha got kidnapped by a—" Kimberly blurted, and was cut off by Synthe.

"We know. He knows. Alpha got his dumb ass kidnapped by a Metamorphicuss, and by the looks of her, she's an adolescent,"

The Power Rangers all exchanged looks.

"You humans really don't learn anything important in school, do you?" said Synthe.

There was an awkward silence.

Synthe sighed. "A Metamorphicuss is a humanoid, reptilian shapeshifter that recharges its own internal powers by using profanity. Adolescent females are especially dangerous because their hormones are extremely imbalanced," she said.

"But, why did she take Alpha?" said Jason.

"Because, she's probably been dumped by her boyfriend, and she wants to show him she's got herself something better—though why she chose Alpha is beyond me," said Synthe.

"Oh no," said Trini.

"Alpha's in danger right now, isn't he?" said Kimberly.

"In a word, _duh_! You guys are gonna hafta go rescue your stupid robot," said Stratter.

"He's not stupid!" said Teena.

"C'mon guys, we're gonna find Alpha and we're gonna destroy that monster that took him!" Tommy said, pummeling his hand with his fist.

"You don't have to kill her," Synthe said with a sigh, "Zymmian's just a bitchy, jealous teenage brat, just like any of us, only with deadly poison and superpowers. We just have to rescue the stupid robot—well, that's what sperm-tube told me, anyway. I don't give a fucking rat's ass about Alpha,"

Synthe was in fact right about Zymmian. The shapeshifter had taken Alpha because she was mad at her now ex-boyfriend for dumping her and she wanted to get back at him by having something that she found incredibly cute to show off. This would have worked out okay, had Zymmian not been so damn mean. She constantly yelled at Alpha and ordered him around all the time. Alpha kept on refusing to take orders from her, which really ticked Zymmian off.

Fed up, Zymmian chained Alpha up to a pole outside her dwelling as if he were a dog that had behaved badly. To add insult to injury, she left him out there for two days straight. It was then, Alpha finally decided to play along with her.

Upon his playing-along-with-her, Zymmian sort of acted nicer towards him, though there was quite a bit of phoniness to her new demeanor. Much to Alpha's disgust, Zymmian was all over him whenever she saw her ex-boyfriend; hugging him and crooning and purring over him whenever her ex-boyfriend came around, which was a _lot_.

Alpha _hated_ this. As if that weren't bad enough, he was still treated like trash whenever he got the slightest bit out of line, and getting out of line was all too easy to do. After all, he had been kidnapped by a horribly domineering, abusive control freak.

Zymmian was _nasty_. She made Rita Repulsa look quite tame in comparison. She loved to cuss Alpha out (often by just stringing random swearwords together, making no sense whatsoever), insult him, call him dirty names ("mechanical prostitute" was one of her favorites), and beat the living hell out of him at least five times a day. More often than not, she would chain him up outside or lock him in a closet.

It took a while for the Power Rangers to find out Alpha's exact location, because Devonte had spilled his soda all over one of the computer consoles at the command center, and it took Billy days to get everything working again. After that incident, Zordon had tommy put up a "no food or drink" sign in the command center, which was promptly covered in graffiti by the Danger Rangers.

Zordon ultimately decided it was a better idea to have the Power Rangers, not the new group of delinquents, go rescue Alpha, as he was afraid the Danger Rangers might manage to screw things up, perhaps badly enough to the point of where Alpha may not return in one piece.

The Power Rangers were teleported to Zymmian's back yard, where the alien bitch had Alpha chained up like a dog. The robot was sitting with his head buried in his arms, rocking back and forth slightly.

"Oh my god," said Kimberly, "What has that monster done to him?"

Billy went over and freed Alpha from his restraints. He and the others were about to teleport back to the command center when Zymmian strolled outside and caught them red-handed freeing her hostage.

"What the _hell_ is going on?! Who the fuck are you douchebags, and where the fuck do you think you're taking my goddamn bitch?!" Zymmian yelled.

"We're the Power Rangers, and we're taking our friend back!" Jason said, pointing a thumb at himself and puffing his chest out.

"Try and stop us if you want, but non one defeats the Power Rangers!" Tommy said, being as pompous and cocky as possible.

"Um, guys, maybe we shouldn't tick her off," said Zach.

He was right about that, for at that moment, Zymmian went into a jealous rage, yelling and screaming and cursing incoherently; the entire time throwing punches and kicks and slapping the hell out of the Power Rangers. Finally, after beating up all six of them, she said to Alpha, "You'd never leave me, would you?"

"No—no," Alpha stammered.

"That's it, now come here," said Zymmian.

"No! I _hate_ you! You're mean, and cruel, and I hate the way you treat me!" said Alpha.

For a few seconds, Zymmian just stood there, seemingly frozen. Then, she let out a bloodcurdling scream and shouted, "If _I_ can't have you, NO ONE CAN!" and punched the poor robot in the center of his chest so hard that his outer panel cracked.

As Zymmian stormed off into her house, the Power Rangers and Alpha were teleported back to the command center without warning.

"I _told_ you to let me handle it! What were you _thinking_ , sending those cock-headed, wannabe macho men—" Synthe gestured to Jason and Tommy, "—to deal with a creature like _that_?!"

Looking around, the Power Rangers realized that Synthe alone had remained in the command center with Zordon.

"I could have easily done what those six twats so miserably failed at, but _no_ , your stupid ass _never listens_!" Synthe said angrily.

"Synthe, you have yet to learn—" Zordon started.

"I have yet to learn?! Listen, sperm-tube, if you don't get your big head outta your even bigger ass—" Synthe shot back.

"You must learn discipline—" Zordon shouted.

"Why? Because I'm not a pathetic little goody-goody two shoes? Just a little FYI, those six—" Synthe gestured towards the Power Rangers, "—incredibly incompetent! Just look at what happened!"

"Look, Synthe, let's just forget about our incompetency—" Zach started.

"Yeah, because we're not incompetent!" Jason spat.

Zach, Kimberly, and even Tommy all shot him a "shut up" look. Synthe simply folded her arms in disgust and went up to Billy, who was kneeling on the floor beside a barely conscious Alpha 5. "Zordon, you really don't give a damn about your robot, do you?" she said.

"It is about time you called me my proper name, and not 'sperm—tube'—" said Zordon.

"You didn't answer my question," said Synthe.

"You have never shown much respect for Alpha yourself," said Zordon.

"Take a good look at Yourself, jizz-face," Synthe hissed. She turned her attention to Billy. "HE can be fixed," she said.

"I don't see how—" Billy started,

"I can fix him," Synthe cut him off abruptly.

Gazing up at her from the floor, Alpha knew at that moment that he was going to be okay. Synthe may be cold as ice, but when she got her mind set on something, she usually got it done.

Right now, she was determined to repair him.

As Billy stood up to go talk to the other Power Rangers, Synthe crouched down next to Alpha; her piercing eyes stared straight into his visor. "I don't ever wanna see you abused like that again," she said in a hushed voice.

"Synthe, I didn't think you really cared," Alpha said weakly.

"Shush!" Synthe hissed, her eyes darting around the room, "The whole damn world doesn't need to know! Now, stay outta trouble, will you?" she said. She flashed Alpha a brief smile before carefully picking him up and taking him to another part of the command center, where she could get to work repairing him.

The Power Rangers, taking note of Synthe's absence, decided to go home. Unfortunately for Trini and Kimberly, they ended up getting blamed for the disgusting mess that Rita had made in the ladies' restroom at school, and were forced to clean it up.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Der Fuehrer's Face

It had only been a few weeks since the Danger Rangers had received their powers, and Zordon already needed a vacation from them. After all, Devonte had already been arrested twice, Dirk would not stop smoking pot inside the command center, Teena kept trying to molest Alpha 5, Synthe had been suspended from school again, and she was bored, and well…

"Alpha, please! This is not funny!" Zordon pleaded, but the robot was literally on the floor laughing.

Finally composing himself, Alpha looked up at his master. "You're right, Zordon, but—" he burst into a fit of giggles Synthe had dropped by earlier and had given Zordon—well, a makeover of sorts. She had adjusted the holographic projector so that the floating head in the tube was no longer Zordon's. Instead, it was the black-and-white visage of Adolf Hitler, complete with a Nazi flag for a backdrop.

"Alpha, this is not an appropriate message to be sending. We are supposed to be the good guys!" said Zordon.

"Oh, Zordon, have a sense of humor," said Alpha.

"You would not be laughing if you were dressed like Adolf Hitler!" Zordon yelled angrily.

Alpha abruptly stopped laughing. "Synthe didn't do you any harm!" he blurted, apparently hurt by Zordon's sudden outburst.

"I think you need to recharge. Then, you can get to work restoring my proper appearance," said Zordon.

"No!" Alpha snapped.

"Synthe's bad attitude seems to be rubbing off on you," said Zordon.

"I need some time alone," the robot said dejectedly, then without any further warning, he teleported to the park, where he landed unceremoniously on his rear end. Dusting himself off, he went and sat under the nearest tree and sulked. Deep down Alpha knew something really wasn't right with him. He had been, well, ill for quite some time now. HE kept malfunctioning no matter how well he was repaired. He was beginning to have trouble restarting after he recharged. Perhaps most troublesome was the fact that his tactical sensors were now starting to malfunction, which was rather uncomfortable.

Whatever was causing Alpha to malfunction so much, he had no idea, and he most certainly didn't like it. To make matters worse, he had to deal with the Danger Rangers, and dealing with delinquents of that caliber on an almost daily basis was no easy task.

Meanwhile, Synthe sat upon a park bench, lazily watching the little boy she was babysitting. No, you didn't read that wrong. Synthe Terrvaak was actually babysitting. This was because the child's mother had a drug problem, and didn't have any qualms about leaving her kids with random strangers.

Dylan, a six-year-old boy, was doing graffiti on the slide with a magic marker (which Synthe provided), drawing dirty pictures and writing swear words (all of which Synthe taught him to do).

"How'd I do?" Dylan called out as he finished drawing a "dirty bird.

Synthe went up to him, examined the "artwork", and said, "Cool—but 'fuck' is spelled with a 'C', just so you know,"

"Wow, what's _that_?" Dylan said, pointing a finger.

Synthe looked in the direction that he was pointing, and saw Alpha, who was sitting under a tree. Her jaw dropped. Conveniently forgetting everything Zordon had said about keeping her Ranger identity secret (not that she ever really cared about that, anyway) Synthe shouted out, "Alpha! What the fucking hell are you doing out here where the whole freakin' world can see you?!"

The robot turned around with a start, and Saw Synthe standing not too far from him with her hands on her hips and an irritated look on her face.

"Ay yi yi yi yi! Zordon yelled at me because you gave him a makeover!" Alpha said.

" _What_?! Sperm-tube-Hitler-face wants to punish _you_ for what _I_ did?!" Synthe exclaimed.

Alpha nodded in reply.

"I'll deal with that son of a bitch!" Synthe said, fuming. Turning to Dylan, she said, "Sty with the robot. I've gotta go take care of something," at that, she teleported to the command center, right in front of not only Dylan, but several other people who were walking nearby.

"It has become more than obvious to me that you have no respect for rules of any kind. I must say that I am very disappointed in you, Synthe. Had I known our behavior was truly going to be this bad, I would have never even considered you to become a Ranger," said Zordon.

Synthe, who had been standing at attention with her hand and arm extended in a Nazi-style salute, simply rolled her eyes.

"As you have completely disregarded my instructions not to reveal your identity to anyone—" Zordon started.

"Sieg Heil! Mein Fuehrer!" Synthe yelled abruptly.

Zordon sighed. "It is not very nice to interrupt," he said.

"Whatever. Look, I got a bone to pick with you, Adolf," said Synthe.

"My name is not—" Zordon started.

"I know that, Hitler," said Synthe.

"THAT IS NOT MY NAME!" Zordon boomed.

Synthe gave him a _look_. "You're really not very intimidating," she said. Pausing to take a breath, she looked up at him agin. "You know, that stupid, godforsaken, annoying little rustbucket of yours is kinda down in the dumps because, from what I hear, you're frustrated with what I did, and you're taking it out on him,"

"Alpha 5's responsibility is to maintain the command center," said Zordon.

Synthe looked around. "I don't see anything broken," she said.

"I LOOK LIKE HITLER!" Zordon boomed.

"It's not causing you any pain, though," said Synthe.

"Well, no," Zordon admitted.

"Then get the hell off the robot's case. Bitch at him some more, and I'll redecorate the whole command center," said Synthe.

Right at that very moment, the Monster Alert Alarm sounded.

"Great! What now?" Synthe said sarcastically. She turned to face the viewing globe, where she saw that Alpha had been chased up a tree by a group of Daleks. Obviously, these weren't the smartest Daleks in the universe, as they seemed to have forgotten that they could simply blast the tree down with their death rays.

"Great!" Synthe exclaimed, "Alright, sperm-tube, which one of these buttons is for the communicators?"

"It is actually a rather complex series of buttons, and they must be pressed in proper sequence," said Zordon.

Synthe fumed. "You know, cell phones were invented for a reason," she muttered audibly. She rummaged in her pockets momentarily, pulled out her phone, and, "Dammit! NO service!" Letting out a growl, Synthe jammed her phone back in her pocket. Another glance at the viewing globe revealed that the Daleks were no closer to getting Alpha down from the tree he had climbed. " _Fine_! I'll deal with the fucking Daleks my damn self! _God_!" she said. Frustrated, she teleported back to the park.

At that very moment, Zordon used the computers to contact the Power Rangers, telling them that Alpha was in grave danger and to get their butts to the command center ASAP.

"We're here, Zordon. We're ready for—whoa!" Jason exclaimed upon seeing Zordon's new "look".

"What happened to your face?" said Kimberly.

"Never mind that. You must teleport to the park immediately. Behold the viewing globe," said Zordon. The Power Rangers all turned around and saw Alpha up a tree, and Synthe, trying to singlehandedly distract the group of Daleks that had chased him up there.

The Power Rangers morphed and teleported to the park.

"Oh, _good_!" Synthe said sarcastically, " _You're_ here! Why don't you make yourselves useful and distract these douchebags?"

"WE ARE DALEKS, NOT DOUCHEBAGS!" one Dalek screeched, infuriated at the insult.

"Go exterminate the gay faggots in the tight, flamboyant spandex!" Synthe said, pointing at the Power Rangers. The Daleks' eye stalks followed Synthe's finger, and they all screamed "EXTERMINATE! And started shooting at the Power Rangers. As it turned out, those Daleks were not only dumb, but they were lousy shots. One of them, as it was shooting at Jason, inadvertently blew up a police car, sending it flipping up into the air and then landing on a school bus, which also blew up.

Synthe cringed. Shaking her head, she made her way over to the tree that Alpha was in. "C'mon down from there. It's time to get you back to the command center—all in one piece, without the Daleks blowing you up. Zordon would be more than pissed at me if that happened," she said.

"Ay yi yi yi yi! I can't get down!" Alpha exclaimed.

"You're ten feet up. Jump," Synthe said coldly.

"Ay yi yi yi yi!" Alpha said again, this time, his voice was shaky.

"C'mon, jump. You're not gonna break yourself, the grass is soft. Just go feet first. You want a softer landing, aim for that patch of dirty-ass dandelions," Synthe said, pointing to the weeds nearby.

Alpha simply clung to the branch he had climbed onto. He was trembling, and whimpering in a rather odd manner.

Was he crying?

For a brief moment, Synthe saw in her mind a white room with no windows. Everything was a blinding, bright shade of white, including the bed that was in the center of the room.

"EXTERMINATE!"

The Dalek's voice brought Synthe's head back down out of the clouds, along with the death ray that narrowly missed her head and hit the tree.

"You! Come stand over by this tree," Synthe told the Dalek.

"I DO NOT TKE ORDERS FROM—" the Dalek started.

"JUST DO IT!" Synthe screamed.

"I obey!" the Dalek said meekly, and did as it was instructed. Synthe climbed atop the Dalek and into the tree, retrieved alpha, and teleported him back to the command center. When she got there, she saw that the Power Rangers had their hands more than full with the group of Daleks. Said Daleks were now blowing things up left and right.

Synthe hit a couple of buttons and switches, and Zordon's face reverted back to its normal form. "Alright, sperm-tube, I brought your robot back, and I un-Hitlered your face. Your Power Rangers apparently don't know how to deal with Daleks," she said, rolling her eyes and gesturing towards the viewing globe.

Zordon sighed. HE didn't want to admit it, but Synthe was right.

"Now, can I borrow the keys to the Megazord?" said Synthe.

"Synthe, why would you want to borrow the Megazord?!" Zordon exclaimed.

"To exterminate the Daleks, of course," said Synthe.

"Fine," Zordon said with a sigh, "Alpha, go retrieve the keys to the—Alpha?" Zordon's sentence was cut short as he saw the robot sway on his feet, then catch himself on the edge of one of the consoles.

"Alpha, are you alright?" said Zordon.

"I—I don't know, Zordon," Alpha replied.

"C'mon, you need to get some rest. I'll have Billy run a diagnostic on you later," Synthe said as she went to help Alpha to his room. Turning to Zordon she said, "Keys, please,"

"Second closet on the left," Zordon replied.

Meanwhile, the Daleks seemed to be having a good ol' time taunting the Power Rangers. Every time one of them would get close enough, the Daleks would shoot at them, forcing the rangers to back off. The Daleks would then blow something else up, prompting the rangers to come closer, then drive them off again. This continued until Synthe came stomping through with the Megazord, stomping on several Daleks while she was at it.

"Synthe!" the bewildered Power Rangers all yelled.

"Get your asses up here! It ain't easy driving this thing by myself!" Synthe called down to them.

The Power Rangers somehow managed to get into the Megazord's cockpit without getting stepped on or exterminated. From there, they helped Synthe squash all the Daleks that were terrorizing the place.

Synthe and the Power Rangers were congratulated by Zordon upon their triumphant return. Synthe, however disregarded Zordon's compliments. She stared down Billy and said, "You. Go fix the goddamn robot. It's sick, _again_. I need to go find Dirk. I need to smoke a frickin' joint." At that, she teleported herself back home, leaving the Power Rangers to wonder what in the hell was wrong with Alpha this time.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

The Rescue

It was raining in Angel Grove. The Danger Rangers didn't really care, because it was a school day, and they would rather it be rainy when they had to be stuck inside, anyway.

Everyone filed toward the auditorium, as the entire student body had to be there for a very special seminar.

As everyone took their seats, Mr. Kaplan cleared his throat quite loudly. "Students, may I have your attention, please," he cleared his throat again. "It has come to my attention that the number of teen pregnancies in this state has gone up dramatically in the last year alone, so the school board has come to the conclusion that the students of this fine facility need to be properly educated on safe sex,"

There was a brief pause, and then the students erupted into fits of giggles.

Mr. Kaplan continued: "and so I bring you our guests today, who will be teaching you all about safe sex, Mr. Peter Popoff and Mr. Hugh G. Rection."

The students howled with laughter.

"That can't seriously be his name, like, can it? I mean, Peter Popoff? Come on," said Kimberly.

Hugh G. Rection pulled out from a cardboard box a dildo. Hanging it upside down, he said, "We all know this is what the male penis looks like when it is flaccid. It hangs down, like this," he said.

Any students who tried to stifle their laughter were now failing miserably.

Hugh G. Rection continued: "When the male organs are stimulated—" he made a jacking-off motion with his hand on the dildo. "—the penis becomes erect," he pointed the dildo straight out and slightly upwards.

By now, Mr. Kaplan, along with all the teachers, was wondering who had assigned these two to come to Angel Grove High. This certainly wasn't appropriate, that was for sure.

Peter Popoff pulled from the box a condom. "This, kids, is called a condom. We use condoms to prevent the spread of disease, and prevent pregnancy. Now, does anybody know how to properly use a condom?"

By then, quite a few of the students had literally fallen out of their chairs laughing.

"You stick it on your dick!" Stratter yelled out.

"Ah, yes, but does anyone know the proper method of putting on a condom?" Hugh G. Rection said.

At that, Mr. Kaplan stormed onto the stage, seized both men by the ears, dragged them offstage, and kicked them out of the school.

"Well, at least it's not me in trouble this time," Synthe said as she kicked back in her chair. Unfortunately, one of the chair's legs was broken, and Synthe ended up toppling backwards, causing a chain reaction of chairs falling, which ultimately resulted in an avalanche of students and chairs falling towards the stage, and almost undoubtedly, more than a few broken bones.

"SYNTHE TERRVAAK!" Mr. Killjoy's voice echoed throughout the auditorium.

"Peace!" Synthe said as she took off running, with Mr. Killjoy hot on her tail. She thundered down the hallways, kicked down the door to the parking lot, and headed straight for the nearest car, which just so happened to be Mr. Kaplan's.

"Hey! That's the principal's car!" Mr. Killjoy yelled, but it was too late. Synthe had already smashed the driver's side window and climbed in. Mere moments later, she had the thing hotwired, and tore out of the parking lot like a bat out of hell.

Synthe sped along the streets of Angel Grove like someone who was high on meth. She really had no reason to be driving like this, since more than half of the police force had been exterminated by Daleks the other day. Finally ditching the stolen car—quite literally—in a drainage ditch, Synthe walked the rest of the way home. Right as she was about to unlock the door, her communicator beeped.

"Christ on a cross! _What_?!" Synthe said with mild exasperation.

"Ay yi yi yi yi! Rita's putty patrollers are terrorizing the park!" Alpha's frantic voice came through.

Synthe uttered a stream of swear words and teleported to the co0mmand center, where the rest of the gang was already there. The Power Rangers looked concerned, the Danger Rangers amused. Sure enough, Rita's putties were wreaking havoc in the park. They were upturning garbage cans and throwing trash at passersby. However, they really weren't hurting anyone. They were certainly making a mess though.

"Okay…they're littering. You called me here for _this_?!" Synthe said with a roll of her eyes.

"Littering is bad for the environment," said Zordon.

"Hey, I gotta take a piss! Where the hell is the john?" said Stratter.

"Um, well…" Alpha started sheepishly.

Stratter, Dirk, Devonte, Synthe, and Zach all looked at him.

"You mean to tell us, there ain't no mothafuckin' toilet in this entire mothafuckin' command center?!" said Devonte.

"Well, um…there is, but…no one's been able to unclog it for decades," said Alpha.

"Aww, _man_ …" Stratter moaned.

"There is an outhouse out back in case of emergencies," said Alpha.

"Oh, my god! Thank you!" Stratter exclaimed, and made a bee line for the door. He was in such a hurry that he momentarily forgot there was a door there, and ran right smack into it. "Ouch!" he said, pounding the control panel that opened the door, then bolting outside as fast as his feet could carry him.

All eyes turned back towards the viewing globe.

"If I am not mistaken, judging by the way that Rita has behaved in the past, she is trying to draw attention to the putties so as to divert our attention from something else," said Billy.

"I believe you are correct, Billy," said Zordon.

"If that's the case, why don't we ignore her little temper tantrum and try to figure out what the real problem is? I mean, someone else can clean up the litter," said Synthe,

"Ay yi yi yi yi!" Alpha yelled out of the blue.

" _God_! Will you shut _up_ with that already?!" said Dirk

"Ay yi yi! The computers are picking up on a distress signal!" Alpha shouted.

"Try to get a lock on it," said Zordon.

"Right, Zordon—oh no! Ay yi yi yi yi!" Alpha cried out.

"Dude! Stop saying that! You're giving me a headache, man!" said Dirk.

"Ay yi yi yi yi!" Alpha said again, now sounding horrified.

"Like, that's totally annoying!" said Vivica.

"Seriously! Stop it!" said Dirk.

"Alpha—what's sending the distress signal? Where's it coming from?" said Trini.

"I—I'm not sure—but—it—it's Edenoite in origin," Alpha stammered.

"Edenoite?" Synthe echoed, sounding suddenly concerned.

"Oh, why would you care?" alpha said dejectedly.

"Because _I'm_ Edenoite!" Synthe half-shouted, and everyone looked at her. "At least half, anyway. I'm Prince Dex's half- sister, born out of wedlock,"

"You're King Lexian's granddaughter? Like, no offense, but— _you_?" Kimberly said in disbelief.

Dirk lit a joint when he thought non one was looking.

"Can you trace exactly what it is that's giving out the distress signal?" said Trini.

There was no need to. At that very moment, the viewing globe went to static, then the image of a very wicked looking humanoid female came on screen. She had bright green eyes and shockingly red hair. Standing behind her was another female similar to her, except she had black hair and dark eyes.

"Oooh! Look at all the little kiddies!" the redhead taunted.

"Looks like Zordon recruited even more incompetent twats than usual," the black-haired one said.

"Look! They've even got a rustbucket like the one we stole!" the redhead exclaimed.

"What do you mean, the one you stole?!" Jason snapped.

"Oops. I guess I haven't told you. We have Alpha 4," the redhead said.

"And he's ours now," the black haired one said.

"He's so fun to torture, isn't he?" the redhead said as a wicked grin spread across her face.

The screen shifted to reveal another robot, nearly identical in appearance to Alpha 5, shackled and chained to what appeared to be a dead Dalek. Another female, whose features looked rather like Synthe's except she had bright, reddish orange hair, seemed to be thoroughly enjoying herself, electrocuting the poor robot with what looked like a cattle prod.

The Power Rangers, and even the Danger Rangers, gasped in horror.

Synthe stepped in front of the viewing globe. "Who the fuck do you think you are, torturing sentient robots like that?! What in the hell did Alpha 4 ever do to you?!" she snapped.

"Oooh! Well, well, well, if it isn't the little bastard Synthe! Does da weject fwom da thwone to da pawace on her home pwanet wanna pway da hewo?" the redhead said mockingly.

"Answer my question!" Synthe roared angrily.

The black-haired female stepped up. "I'm Riatyx. This is my little sister, DeVida," she gestured at the redhead next to her. "And that," she pointed to the younger one who was torturing Alpha 4, "is Chernobyl."

Abruptly, the transmission ended. Seconds later, Stratter re-entered the command center. "Did I miss anything?" he said.

Nearly everyone glared at him.

"Let's just say, you missed a lot," said Zach.

"Ay yi yi," Alpha 5 said in a crackling voice, and stepped out of the inner circle and into the shadows.

Stratter gave him a funny look. "Geez, what crawled up his rusty ass and died?" he said, only to receive more dirty looks.

"Where the hell did that goddamn transmission come from?" Synthe said in a half growl.

"There is a spaceship orbiting earth in the fifth quadrant of sector 3745A—" Zordon started.

"Blah-dee-blah-dee-blah!" Synthe snapped impatiently, "Just tell me how to get up there so I can wring those bitches' necks!"

There was a brief pause, then:

"I'm with her, man," said Tommy.

"Synthe's right! We won't let those evil bit—" Jason began.

"Jason!" Kimberly cut in.

"What? They are bit—" Jason started.

"Jase!" Kimberly interrupted again.

"Whatever. We can't let them torture Alpha 4 like that. It's just not right," said Jason.

"Rangers, you do realize that the task at hand is a very dangerous one," said Zordon.

"We're always up for something like this," said Kimberly.

"Yeah, and we're always getting into trouble, anyway," said Teena.

"Yeah, man…why do you think we're called the _Danger Rangers_ , dude?" Dirk said, and burst into a fit of giggles.

"Dirk, will you _please_ not smoke that marijuana in the command center?" said Zordon.

"Sorry, man," said Dirk. He finished off his joint by taking one big, long hit, then burst into a coughing fit.

"Great, now the whole place smells like pot," Kimberly said sarcastically.

"Well, that settles it. C'mon guys, let's go kick some butt!" Jason said, pounding his fist into his palm.

The Rangers all teleported to the enemy spaceship; they ended up in the middle of some random, empty corridor.

"Great, we could be anywhere," Synthe said sarcastically.

"I wonder why no one's attacking us," said Trini.

At that very moment, a whole bunch of ugly robots came storming down either side of the corridor. They bore a striking resemblance to those on the cover of a certain Styx album.

"I guess Riatyx has hench-idiots too," Vivica said unenthusiastically.

"Man, why they all gotta have hench-idiots? Why can't the bad guys fight us they damn selves?" said Devonte.

"Because, the bad guys don't fight fair," said Trini.

"Yeah, well, in that case, we won't fight fair. Everyone grab something and let's start bashing these guys' ugly faces in," said Stratter.

At that, the Rangers kicked the robots' asses. They were pretty easy to defeat, and the majority of them ended up retreating.

"What do we do now?" said Zach.

"Raise some hell until those worthless jerkoffs give us Alpha 4.," said Synthe.

So, they all split up, and basically tore apart everything they happened to lay eyes on. Cameras were shot to bits, computer consoles were smashed, glass was shattered, and graffiti was left everywhere. Of Course, all this chaos simply could not go undetected, and Riatyx, who was watching it all unfold on the security monitors, was none too thrilled. Getting on the ship's intercom, she shouted, "WHAT IN GOD'S NAME IS THIS SHIT?! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, TRESPASSING ON MY SHIP?!"

"We're the Power Rangers!" said Jason.

"—and the Danger Rangers!" Dirk added.

"Yeah, we're the so-called 'incompetent twats' you was talkin' to earlier!" said Devonte.

"—and we're here for alpha 4," said Kimberly.

"Come and get him," Riatyx sneered, and cut off communications. Immediately afterwards, she turned to Chernobyl and said, "Kill it,"

Chernobyl flashed a wicked smile, and raised her cattle prod.

"No—no—please—" Alpha 4 begged as Chernobyl inched the device closer, finally touching the electrodes to the robot's neck. Alpha 4 howled in pain as his circuits were fried, finally slumping over weakly and collapsing on the floor next to the dead Dalek that he was chained to.

"Good. Now, why don't we go greet our unwanted guests?" said Riatyx. She, DeVida, and Chernobyl left that area and went to confront the Rangers. Chernobyl still had her electric cattle prod in hand, and seemed just a bit too happy to electrocute any and everything that crossed her path. However, she sort of ticked everyone else off when she zapped Stratter right where it hurts most.

The three baddies all ended up with their bras unlatched from behind, their underwear pulled up over their heads, spray paint in their faces, and all three of them got barricaded in one of the ship's restrooms.

The Rangers then went and found where the trio of evil females had been tormenting Alpha 4, kicked the door in, and—

"Oh no," said Trini.

"Is he—" Kimberly said apprehensively.

Synthe and Billy stepped over to where Alpha 4 lay in a crumpled heap.

"He's in a right state, that's for damn sure," said Synthe.

"He's not dead though? Is he?" said Zach.

"Negative,"' said Billy.

Tommy tapped his communicator. "Zordon, do you read me?"

"I read you Tommy," came Zordon's voice.

"Have Alpha teleport us back to the command center. We've got—we've found his brother," said Tommy.

Moments later, the goody-goodies, the delinquents, and Alpha 4, all materialized in the command center.

Synthe looked over in Alpha 5's direction, an expression of grave concern on her face. "He needs help, _now_ ," she said sternly.

"Right, follow me," Alpha 5 said, and led the group off into another part of the command center, and into a room that sort of resembled a medical room.

Synthe laid Alpha 4 down on the single bed in the room. Moving quickly, she hooked one of the cords that hung from the wall into a port that was just below the robot's head. She then grabbed what appeared to be a bunch of jumbled wires, untangled them, and hooked them up to various spots just underneath Alpha 4's chest plating.

Finally, after several tense moments, Alpha 4 came back to life.

"Synthe—how did you know how to do that?" said Billy.

"Don't ask," Synthe said sternly. She held up two fingers. "How many fingers am I holding up?" she said.

"T-Two," Alpha 4 stammered feebly.

Synthe then lifted up his chest plating, very carefully, and took a look underneath. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that Alpha 4 was severely and extensively damaged. His brittle and charred circuitry seemed to barely be holding together. In all honesty, Synthe didn't know if fixing him up in any capacity was at all possible.

Shaking her head, Synthe gently replaced the robot's chest covering.

"Synthe—how is he?" Alpha 5 asked nervously.

"Not good," Synthe replied, looking over her shoulder at him. Alpha 5 hung his head.

"He's awake. Why don't you come over here and see him?" said Synthe.

Alpha 5 hesitated for about half a minute, then stepped forward.

"I'm glad to see that you're still alright. I'm sorry I couldn't…" Alpha 4 trailed off.

"You're not dying," Synthe said firmly, gently squeezing the little robot's hand.

"But—I can't—I'll never—" Alpha 4 said, sounding more miserable than ever.

"I'm well aware that you're irreparably damaged. That doesn't mean you're going to be dying anytime soon," said Synthe. She put an arm around the shoulders of Alpha 5, who seemed to be at a complete loss of words.

Teena, who was standing at the opposite side of the room with her arms crossed, piped up and said, "Hey, how come those two let _you_ touch them?"

"Because, Teena, I'm not a sick, crazy nymphomaniac robot molester who has filthy fantasies about raping sentient machines," Synthe said nastily.

Teena let out a loud "Harrumph!" and stomped out of the room.

Alpha 5 made a sort of sniffling sound, apparently very upset. Wiping an arm across his visor, he looked at his broken brother and said, "I'll take care of you." Turning to Synthe, he said, "Ay yi yi, how can I ever repay you?"

"You can stop saying 'ay yi yi' so damn much," said Synthe.

"Ay yi yi yi yi!" Alpha 5 exclaimed.

Synthe simultaneously sighed, rolled her eyes, and face palmed. " _You_ are a handful. How the fuck anyone is gonna be able to deal with _two_ of you is beyond me!" she said, and abruptly walked out the door. The rest of the Rangers slowly followed suit, but not before most of them reassured Alpha 5 that they would be there to support him.

With a new group of enemies to deal with, the Rangers would need to keep their guards up, and most of all, get some well-deserved rest, because there would almost certainly be more bullshit to come within the next day or two.

That night, Synthe sat awake in her bedroom, unable to sleep. It was truly amazing, the sheer and utter idiocy of the people of Angel Grove. If no one had ever guessed on their own that she was an alien, then it was no wonder that no one ever noticed that she lived alone, with no parents or guardians whatsoever. No one had noticed when a ten-year-old girl had shown up out of nowhere six years ago, nor had anyone noticed that the old, abandoned house on the corner had suddenly become occupied, or that Synthe had been stealing water, electricity, and cable for her house.

Faded, tattered pictured adorned the walls of Synthe's bedroom. Most of them showed Synthe when she was very little, with her half-brother, Dex. One in particular was different, though. It hung in a dark corner where it wasn't easily visible, and it depicted a young Synthe and Dex, alongside a man who was obviously Dex's father. The man was holding a redheaded toddler. Also, in the picture, standing beside Synthe, was a robot. In the bottom left hand corner were the words:

R.I.P. Alpha 3

I'll always remember you

-Synthe


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

The Firestarter

The day-to-day lives of the Danger Rangers were not getting any easier. Not only did they have to deal with Rita Repulsa and her pathetic excuses for monsters constantly getting in their way of having any fun, they now had to deal with a whole new array of hench-idiots in the form of robots with evil programming chips running about the city every day or so. The robots would loot stores, carjack people, rob banks, and raise complete and utter hell wherever they set foot.

School was no picnic either, as Mr. Killjoy decided to be a real killjoy and piss all over everyone's parade by making his class start all their lessons over again at the remedial level, and hand out stacks of homework that were literally as thick as small phone books.

Synthe was sitting in class, trying to catch up on her impossible homework assignment, while taking notes on Mr. Killjoy's incredibly boring lecture on the history of Russian agriculture, when her communicator beeped for the fourth time that day.

"GODDAMMIT!" Synthe yelled in frustration. At this point, why in the hell Alpha 5 couldn't ask someone else to help care for his ailing brother was beyond her. Throwing secrecy to the wind, she tapped her communicator right in front of the whole class. " _WHAT_ now?!" she yelled.

"Ay yi yi yi yi!" Alpha 5's voice came through the communicator, "Synthe, I need your help!"

"AAARGH!" Synthe shouted, and in a fit of anger, she picked up all her school papers and threw them up in the air, letting them flutter to the ground like oversized confetti. She then picked up her desk and drop-kicked it—right out the window. This not only left shattered glass everywhere, but she somehow also managed to land her desk through the windshield of a school bus, which just happened to be the very school bus that Bulk and Skull were spraying graffiti on. Of course, this scared the living excrement out of those two, and they took off running, both screaming like sissy girls. Bulk and Skull ended up running right smack into Mr. Kaplan, and they both would up with a week's worth of detention.

Synthe, on the other hand, stood huffing and puffing and spitting like a rabid wolf in the spot where her desk once was. For several minutes before finally teleporting out of class.

"Synthe, how many times must I tell you not to teleport in front of—" Zordon started.

"Shove it up your asshole," Synthe said peevishly. She stormed to the repair ward that Alpha 4 was in, pausing only to smack her forehead against the wall so as to calm herself down enough to deal with the situation at hand—whatever new problem had arisen this time.

As it turned out, yet another vital component of Alpha 4's was severely malfunctioning, and she had to help Alpha 5 stabilize his condition once again. After that was out of the way, Synthe helped reassess Alpha 4's condition, and discovered he was losing motor function.

Back at Angel Grove High school, the rest of Mr. Killjoy's class took after Synthe—and basically started a full blown riot. Desks were smashed, chairs were thrown, and the resident pyromaniac took the opportunity to whip out his collection of lighters and matches and torch the huge pile of homework assignments that had been assigned to him. Of course, when you set fire to papers that are sitting on a wooden desk, the desk tends to go up in flames, too.

Anyhow, this resulted in the whole school getting evacuated, not to mention the whole damn fire department being called out to put out the blaze, which ended up completely destroying Mr. Killjoy's classroom, along with all of the homework he had dished out to his students.

It was from then on out that Angel Grove High School's resident pyromaniac was hailed as a hero by many a student for torching those ridiculous homework assignments. Unfortunately, he was also expelled from school and arrested, and thrown in jail for arson.

Up in space, the trio of evil bitches who had tried to kill Alpha 4 was still pretty sore about being defeated by a bunch of unruly teenagers. So, they decided to take out their frustration on whoever happened to be closest by. That just so happened to be Rita Repulsa and her following of idiots.

Not only did Rita's fortress get stormed by unattractive robots who were very rude about the whole process (one of them kept waving its middle finger in Rita's face before it ripped her skirts off, revealing her ugly, skid-marked granny panties), but the whole place got trashed, and many of her most prized items were stolen. Chernobyl even got trigger happy with her electric cattle prod and shocked Finster nearly to death, quite literally. She almost killed him. She would have, had Riatyx and DeVida not insisted that it was time to go.

Having stolen the Monster-Matic Machine, DeVida decided to have a go at creating something ludicrous to send down to Angel Grove. So, out of some of the clay that they had taken during the raid, she fashioned what looked like a walking fire hydrant with a big, gaping hole in its belly.

DeVida put the clay figure through the machine, and out of the other end, came a full-sized monster. It cackled stupidly, like most monsters of that type do.

"Cool," said DeVida.

"Teleport that ting to earth," Riatyx said disgustedly.

"Fine," DeVida said unenthusiastically.

Meanwhile, Alpha 5 and Synthe were trying to think of a way to help get Alpha 4 in at least slightly better condition, when the Monster Alert Alarm blared.

"Ay yi yi yi yi!" Alpha 5 exclaimed, as he dropped an armful of tools, some of which were power tools, so that he could wave his arms about frantically. In his sheer and utter panic, he ended up smacking Synthe in the face and nearly poking her eye out.

"OUCH! Watch it, you little piece of-!" Synthe's sentence was cut short as Alpha 5 bolted out the door, accidentally knocking over a very heavy metal tool chest and landing it on her foot. Synthe ended up completing her sentence with a very long, very loud stream of obscenities.

"Rangers! Report to the command center! Ay yi yi yi yi!" Alpha 5 yelled through the com-link.

The Power Rangers, plus the rest of the Danger Rangers, all teleported to the command center.

"What's going on, Zordon?" said Jason.

"Observe the viewing glo—" Alpha 5 didn't even get to finish his sentence, for at that very moment, his upper half jerked back violently, his arms moved about in a convulsive manner, he briefly clutched at his midsection, and collapsed to the floor with a resounding _CLANK_. Immediately after this, there was a very long, awkward, pregnant pause.

"I didn't do it," Dirk said, finally breaking the silence.

Teena shot him a dirty look.

"What in the _hell_ just happened?!" Devonte exclaimed.

"Shorted out, man," said Stratter.

"Yeah, but—why?" Trini said quietly.

At that moment, Synthe came limping into view. She surveyed the scene before her, and said, "What in the fuck is going—you know what, don't answer that at all. I _really_ don't wanna know," she then spun around on her good heel and went back down to the repair ward.

"Billy, Trini, take Alpha 5 to the repair ward and tries to get him back online. If it is at all possible, I want you to run a full diagnostic," said Zordon.

"Man, what is _wrong_ with him?" said Zach.

"I dunno. I'm starting to get worried though," said Kimberly. She glanced back at Stratter, who nodded his head once.

Zordon cleared his throat, "Rangers, another monster has been sent to Earth. However, I do not believe that Rita Repulsa has sent this one since it was sent to downtown Angel Grove, during rush hour, at that," he said.

The remaining Rangers looked at what the viewing globe had to show, which was an oversized, walking fire hydrant that blasted flames out of a large hole in its middle. The monster was, of course, setting fire to any and everything in sight: Police cars, police officers, office buildings, dumpsters, cars, trucks, and anyone who happened to be stupid enough not to run the hell away.

"This, Rangers, is the PyroVile. As you can see, it burns down everything in its path," said Zordon.

"Right…" said Tommy, "I think Kim and I should take the flying zords and dump water on that thing—and all the fires it started—while the rest of you finish it off while it's weakened," he said.

"Sounds like a plan," said Stratter.

"Pfft! Yeah! It's the only one we got!" said Devonte.

So, with a combined effort from all of them, the Power Rangers and the Danger Rangers drenched the fire-starting monster, and put out half the city of Angel Grove. PyroVile, however, didn't seem to know when to quit, and tried to headbutt the Rangers several times before Dirk and Devonte led it to trip and fall into and open manhole, where it then drowned in raw sewage.

Upon returning to the command center, the Rangers all rushed down to the repair ward, where alpha 5 was back online and fully alert.

"Is he okay?" said Kimberly.

"Yeah, what's the results of the—thingy?" said Zach.

"The _diagnostic_ , you mean?" Synthe said with a roll of her eyes.

"I think that's what it's called," said Zach.

"The internal diagnostic, virus scan, and overall assessment have all come back negative for any serious deviations and/or potentially fatal errors," said Billy.

"Uh, English please?" said Kimberly.

"The scans all came back negative. Alpha doesn't have robot AIDS," said Synthe.

Stratter, Dirk and Devonte all giggled nervously.

"Well…what's going on with him, then?" said Jason.

"Guys, Alpha 5 is really, really stressed out. He's having a hard time dealing with everything that's been going on, and it's not helping any that his older brother isn't getting any better," said Trini.

They all looked in Alpha 4's direction. Things most certainly weren't looking good for him. No matter how many attempts were made at repairing him, or even improving his quality of life, the robot's overall condition simply continued to deteriorate.

"He's not gonna survive, is he?" said Stratter.

"Oh, ay yi yi! Don't say that!" said Alpha 5. Billy placed a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. Everyone else looked at Synthe. Trini pulled her aside. "Synthe is there any chance—any chance at all?" she said in a hushed voice.

Synthe shook her head. "No," she said in a choked whisper. Trying to hold back tears and failing miserably, she shook her head again and said, "I can't save him. There's nothing I can do!"

Trini made an attempt at patting Synthe on the shoulder, but her hand was shoved to the side and Synthe abruptly turned and ran.

"Synthe, wait!" Trini called out, and followed her out to the inner circle.

Synthe paused momentarily at one of the consoles. "I am _not_ gonna watch him die!" she said, before pounding the palm of her hand down on the teleport button and blasting herself back home.

Trini stood there, momentarily stunned, until Alpha 5 unintentionally crept up behind her. "Oh, ay yi yi. I should have never asked her to help me. I never meant to upset her so," he said.

"It is not your fault, Alpha. Synthe had had a hard life. She has lost many people close to her, and has been rejected by others. You may not know this, but Synthe is basically an orphan," said Zordon.

"But—where does she live? She's only sixteen," said Trini.

"Observe the viewing globe," said Zordon.

Trini and Alpha 5 looked, and saw images of that old house on the corner that everyone sill seemed to think was abandoned.

"She stays there by herself?" said Trini.

"She has been there since she was only ten years old," said Zordon.

"No wonder she's so mean. Growing up like that—I guess you'd have to be," said Trini.

Alpha sighed. "I used to be so scared of Synthe. I guess she can be nice when she wants to be," he said. He and Trini returned to the repair ward, both had gained a little more knowledge about the true nature of the white Danger Ranger.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

The Damage Done

It had been about a week since the Power Rangers and the Danger Rangers had made a combined effort to rescue alpha 4 from the clutches of a trio of nasty, evil space-bitches. Ever since then, Synthe and Billy had been more than busy caring for the broken robot, even though he had been broken beyond repair and did not have much of a chance to survive.

Unfortunately for Synthe, Billy had a big test to prepare for, and she was left doing most of the heavy lifting. Now, why in the hell that fucking nerd couldn't take some time off from his damn homework for a situation such as this one was beyond her. As much as Synthe just wanted to throw her hands up in the air, scream "FUCK IT!" and storm vehemently out of the command center at times, she just wasn't that type. Instead, she simply took out her frustrations on everyone else around her.

Synthe walked into class, almost three full hours late. Mr. Killjoy was in the middle of an unbearably boring lecture on medieval politics when Synthe banged the door open, filthy, muddy, wet, and bedraggled (since she had to walk in the pouring rain), and trudged over to her desk, leaving a trail of muddy footprints in her wake.

The rest of the students welcomed the distraction, as Mr. Killjoy's lectures were so horribly boring that it's surprising no one actually died from having to sit in his classroom.

"Late again, Terrvaak," Mr. Killjoy drawled disapprovingly.

Synthe glanced at the clock. "Yeah, so?" she said.

"That's the third time this week, Synthe," said Mr. Killjoy.

"Yeah, and? Are you gonna punish me or what?" said Synthe.

"Apparently, suspension isn't enough for you. I'm going to have to put an end to all this 'playing hooky' nonsense—what do you think you're doing?" Mr. Killjoy said, as he noticed that Synthe had taken off one of her shoes and was scraping the mud off on the edge of her desk. Much to Mr. Killjoy's chagrin, Synthe ignored him completely and continued to wipe off her shoes—on her desk, on her textbooks, all over the floor…

Finally giving up, Synthe took her shoes and socks off and placed them on the teacher's desk, where they immediately started attracting flies.

"Excuse me, I think I need to go use the shower in the gym and clean myself up," Synthe said, pausing momentarily to wring her hair out on the stack of homework assignments that was sitting on the teacher's desk next to her smelly, wet shoes and socks. She then walked out of the classroom, leaving Mr. Killjoy at a complete loss for ideas of how to effectively discipline her.

Synthe thought that maybe, just maybe, she would get a break from all the drama that had been going on. She was dead wrong. While she was in the shower, she made the mistake of taking her communicator off. Unfortunately for her, during that time, all the other rangers got called to the command center because something else had gone wrong with Alpha 4, and Synthe apparently wasn't responding to her communicator.

Thinking that something bad may have happened to her, Zordon had Alpha 5 teleport Synthe to the command center.

The Danger Rangers laughed as a naked Synthe materialized before them.

"Son of a goddamn bitch!" Synthe cursed, "What the hell?! What kind of emergency popped up that was so damn fucking urgent that it couldn't at least wait 'til I got my _clothes on_?!"

Holding out a bathrobe, Alpha 5 sheepishly approached her.

" _GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU SICK LITTLE_ —oh. Thanks," Synthe said as she snatched the bathrobe from the robot's hands and quickly put it on. IT was far too short for her and it barely fit around her large shoulders and bust line, but overall, it was very soft and comfortable. "Now, please explain to me what the hell is going on! And whose robe is this, by the way?" Synthe said, feeling the soft, fuzzy fabric.

Alpha 5 shrunk back behind Billy and Trini. Synthe stared at him for a moment. "You've gotta be kidding me. This is Alpha's?" she said.

Trini glanced at Alpha 5 and back at Synthe again and nodded. "Wow, Alpha, this is really, really soft. I didn't know you liked stuff like this," said Synthe.

"Alpha 5 is more sensitive than you might think," said Zordon, "Which brings me to why we had teleported you here so abruptly. Synthe, Alpha 4 wishes to see you,"

"This seriously couldn't wait until I was out of the shower?" Synthe said, giving Zordon the stink-eye. Alpha 5, on the other hand, hung his head and left the inner circle. Rolling her eyes, Synthe followed him, with the rest of the rangers in tow.

"I still don't understand why you couldn't at least wait 'til I put my fucking clothes on!" said Synthe.

"Synthe, please!" said Alpha 5.

"What?! I was naked!" Synthe shouted.

"Will you drop it already?" said Trini.

"No! Every male member of this team—no pun intended—and get your minds outta the gutter! Just got to see me completely butt-ass-fucking naked!" Synthe griped.

Trini rolled her eyes and sighed in exasperation. "Just—look at this latest diagnostic, will you?" she said, holding out several sheets of paper. Synthe rudely snatched the papers away from her and plopped down in a chair on the far side of the room.

Alpha 4's diagnostic results were outstandingly terrible. He was in worse condition now than ever before, and the only thing keeping him going was the external power supply he was hooked up into, and even that couldn't last much longer since the wires and circuits that supplied power to his CPU were literally at the point of where they could simply give out at any given second.

Synthe made her way back over to Alpha 4, glanced at the papers, shook her head, and said, "Well, apparently there's nothing I can do…guess I won't be needing this," she said, flinging the papers to the side, where they fluttered to the floor. Looking at the robot once more, she said, "What did you want from me?"

"I wanted…to say thank you," Alpha 4 said, turning his head ever so slightly to look at her.

Synthe nodded curtly. "Anything else you wanted to say?" she said.

Alpha 4 motioned for her to come closer. "T-take c-care of m-my brother, S-Synthe…" he said in a barely audible voice that warped and faltered more with each word. Then, he was still. There was no chance of rebooting him; no way of repairing him. HE was gone.

Her mind swimming in painful and unpleasant memories, Synthe searched for an excuse to leave the room. However, no good ideas surfaced, and Billy addressed her:

"Synthe, what has happened?" Billy said.

"Shit," Synthe said aloud, and then it hit her, a perfect excuse.

"Come again?" said Billy.

"Shit! I have to shit!" said Synthe.

"Ew! Like, TMI!" said Vivica.

Synthe shoved past Vivica on her way out the door. "Get out of my way before I shit my pants!" she shouted.

A few awkward seconds passed, and all eyes drifted back to the lifeless form of Alpha 4. After a brief examination, Billy concluded that he was, in fact, dead.

If, at this point, anyone was still stupid enough to think that Alpha 5 didn't have feelings simply because he was a robot, then that person was dead wrong, for at the moment, Alpha was so overcome with grief that it wasn't even funny.

Bothe Power Rangers and Danger Rangers had never seen him like this. Though there were no tears, his cries were real. No matter what attempts were made to comfort him, Alpha 5 was inconsolable. Finally, the rangers decided the best thing to do was to leave him alone for a while and let him calm down on his own.

About an hour later, Synthe crept back down to the repair ward, being careful to make sure that everyone else had left.

"Alpha?" Synthe said as she approached the little robot, who looked even smaller now that he was kneeling beside his dead brother, clutching his lifeless hand and shaking with his head bowed down. When he didn't answer, Synthe moved closer, this time placing a hand on his shoulder, "Alpha, you've gotta let go of him eventually," she said.

"No…no…"Alpha said, his voice crackling with despair. Synthe gently rubbed the back of his neck. As she did this, she noticed there was a smell LED light on his back panel that was flashing. Upon closer inspection, Synthe realized this was his battery indicator light. Gently wrapping one arm around his torso, Synthe used her other hand to detach Alpha 5's hand from his brother's. This proved to be slightly difficult, as Alpha put up a fight, much like a child would when having something special taken from them. He continued to thrash and struggle even after Synthe had freed his hand, and the strangest part about this behavior was the fact that he was eerily quiet the whole time.

"Alpha! Calm down! For God's sakes, calm down! Jesus, God and Mother Mary! You're gonna hurt yourself, and—and I'm not supposed to let that happen!" Synthe said, now somewhat exasperated.

Finally, Alpha stopped struggling. For a moment, he just stood still and stared at his feet. Then, he said, "W-What do you mean?"

"Alpha 4 told me to take care of you. That was the last thing he ever fucking said, which means that he must've really, really wanted it, and if you think I'm just gonna up and ignore your brother's last request because your stupid ass wants to do whatever you robots do in place of cutting—" Synthe paused to let out a heavy sigh. "Come here, I hate seeing you so sad," Synthe pulled Alpha into a hug. "I can tell you're not feeling well, either. We'll get you fixed, soon as we find out what's wrong. I'm sure it's something simple. You'll be OK, things will get better. Right now, you need to recharge. C'mon,"

Synthe led Alpha 5 back upstairs, making sure that he was recharging OK after that horrible shock he had endured earlier of losing his brother. She then left the command center, hoping that tomorrow, things would at least halfway return to normal so that she could worry about the mischief she got into at school rather than the welfare of a despondent robot.

Synthe managed to teleport herself just outside her front door. The torrential rain that had plagued the city for the last several days had not stopped, and Synthe was sopping wet once again. "Christ on a cross! If it keeps raining like this, even the dandelions will drown!" She stomped into her house and flung her wet clothes all over the place, then proceeded to march her naked butt up to her bedroom to put her pajamas on and go to bed. All this time, Synthe remained unaware that someone was creeping around the side of the house, peering in her windows.

"Bad day, Synthe? Dandelions, huh? That gives me an idea!" The slender, petite figure of Chernobyl cackled obnoxiously, much like a witch on crack cocaine. A window above her head opened, and Synthe's voice was heard shouting, "Damn drunk homeless people! Go sleep on someone else's doorstep!"

The next thing Chernobyl knew was that her head really hurt. This was because Synthe had dropped a brick on her.

"Get the fuck off my property!" Synthe shouted, and slammed the window loudly.

"You fucking bitch," Chernobyl muttered, "I'll get you for that, Synthe—ow! After I go steal some aspirin…owww…"

Chernobyl stumbled off into the night, looking as if she was drunk.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

No Trespassing

Synthe awoke to the sound of someone knocking at her door. The sun was actually shining, and it damn near blinded her when she flung the blankets off of herself. Grumbling, Synthe trudged downstairs and flung the door open.

"Hello, I'm from the New Evangelical Church of Christ. We are trying to recruit new members to our flock, would you like to join?" a plump, overly-dressed woman said.

"No," Synthe scowled, and promptly slammed the door. The woman, however, knocked again. Synthe spun around on one foot, opened the door once more, and glared daggers at the woman who had infuriated her so by disturbing her sleeping in on a Saturday morning. " _What_?!" she said gruffly.

"I must warn you, if you don't redeem yourself, you're going to Hell young lady," the woman said.

Synthe snorted. "Get off my fuckin' property," she said.

"If you don't believe me, look at this pamphlet," the woman said, shoving a folded up pack of papers under Synthe's nose, which she batted away.

"Judgment day is coming, and it's coming this year, and if you don't change your ways—" the woman continued.

Synthe cut the woman off mid-sentence. "Look, if you don't get the fuck away from my fuckin' house, I'm gonna call the authorities and have them escort your batty ass all the way to the psycho ward with all the other end-of-the-world nutcases. Now, I'm only going to tell you once: LEAVE!"

At those stern words, the woman huffed, stuck her nose in the air, and strutted back down the sidewalk to her car, with what appeared to be snaked biting at her heels. Upon closer inspection, Synthe saw that those "snakes" were anything but—as a matter of fact, they were dandelions, all of which had somehow magically grown teeth.

"Okay, that's not normal," said Synthe. She went back inside momentarily, returned with some weed killer, and sprayed it all over the front lawn. The biting dandelions hissed like angry snakes, then withered up and died.

Chernobyl, who was watching this unfold from a nearby alleyway, cursed to herself as Synthe had so easily defeated her biting weeds. Fuming, she looked over her shoulder, only to see a homeless man. "Hey, filth-bag!" Chernobyl said.

The man glared at her through one eye.

"I'll give you ten bucks if you go piss all over that bitch's lawn," Chernobyl said, pointing at Synthe, who was finishing killing off the last of the biting dandelions.

The man nodded, and Chernobyl handed him the money. The bum then ambled over to Synthe's front yard, unzipped his worn out jeans, and proceeded to take a piss.

Synthe caught a glimpse of him out of the corner of her eye, whipped her head around, and yelled, "Hey! What the fuck do you think you're doing?!"

The bum shrugged. "What's it look like?" he said.

Infuriated, Synthe pulled from her pocket a switchblade. "You wanna get castrated, motherfucker?!" she shouted.

At that, the man put his ding-a-ling back in his pants and took off running without even zipping them back up.

"Stay the hell off my lawn unless you wanna kiss your dick goodbye!" Synthe shouted after him. Growling, she went into the shed out back and pulled out a couple of signs. The first one was a simple "No Soliciting" sign, which she nailed to her front door. The other one read:

NO TRESPASSING

VIOLATORS WILL BE SHOT

SURVIVORS WILL BE SHOT AGAIN

AND AGAIN AND AGAIN

STAY THE HELL OFF MY PROPERTY!

As Synthe was pounding this rather large and obnoxious sign into the ground, Chernobyl disappeared momentarily, and then returned with a few of the robots that served as the henchmen of her, Riatyx and DeVida. The robots then crept out of the alley and onto Synthe's property, all armed with cans of spray paint. As they were spraying all kinds of obscene graffiti all over Synthe's house, Synthe turned around and spotted them.

" _Oooh_!" Synthe growled, clenching her fists. "What the hell do you think you're doing?! Assholes!" she shouted.

The robots, however, ignored her and continued to vandalize her house.

Muttering a streak of obscenities, Synthe stomped off to go get her garden hose. The robots apparently weren't too smart, for they completely ignored Synthe's warnings that she would "spray their asses down" and "short their stupid asses out" if they didn't leave, for the entire time that Synthe was hooking up her garden hose.

"Stupid fucking son of a—YOU ASKED FOR IT!" Synthe growled as she turned the hose on full blast. She managed to drench one dopey robot as the other four fled. Turning the hose off, she gave the disabled robot a swift kick in the head to vent her frustration. In doing so, Synthe caused something to come loose.

"Huh?" Synthe said, picking up the device. It sort of resembled a Bluetooth earpiece, only smaller and with sharp prongs where it had been attached to the robot's head.

Synthe tapped her communicator. "Hey, sperm-tube!" she said loudly.

Loud snoring was heard.

"Hey! Sperm-tube! Jerkoff-in-a-Jar! WAKE UP!" Synthe shouted.

Zordon woke up with a start. "Wha—who is there? Why did my alarm not go off? Alpha!"

"Yes, Zordon," came the weary robot's voice. He still sounded like he was down in the dumps.

"Alpha, you really must not forget these sort of things. Thankfully, this was only an alarm clock battery. Still, there could have been an emergency and—"

"Shut up, Zordon," Synthe cut him off, "Look, sperm-tube, I found something that might interest you, and I think it's Chernobyl's," she said the last word with disgust, as if it had left a bad taste in her mouth. She held up the device.

"That—excellent work, Synthe," said Zordon.

"I also caught one of her hench-idiots," Synthe said, placing her foot firmly on one of the robot's hands.

"Alpha, Synthe has captured one of the robots. Teleport them both to the command center," said Zordon.

Without hesitation, Alpha obliged, and both Synthe and the robot appeared in the command center.

"Synthe, I am impressed!" Zordon beamed proudly, "How did you manage to disable that robot so effectively?"

"My garden hose," Synthe said as if she was speaking to an idiot who had just asked her how to tie his shoelaces. She handed the device she was holding to Alpha, who ran a battery of tests on it, and discovered that it was sort of a mind control device that caused robots to do things they normally wouldn't do. After a few moments of bickering about what to do with the thing, Zordon and Alpha finally agreed that they wouldn't need it. Then, the two of them promptly started arguing over what was the best way to dispose of it.

Getting impatient real fast, Synthe snatched the device out of Alpha's hands and said, "Shut _up_ already! Both of you! I'll go throw this down the outhouse toilet! And if it makes you feel any better, I'll shit all over it, since I have to go do that anyway!" At that, Synthe stormed out of the command center, leaving Zordon and Alpha to deal with the robot she had drenched.

Well, Alpha didn't want to be dealing with yet another broken robot on his own, given the fact that the last one sort of died. Not wanting to repeat that scenario, he called the Power Rangers to the command center to come deal with it.

The robot soon rebooted, and the rangers restrained it, but quickly discovered that was completely unnecessary, as (according to Alpha's research, anyway) that particular type of robot was generally harmless in nature. The Power Rangers, Alpha, and Zordon then started up a very long discussion, talking about whatever messed-up motive Chernobyl, Riatyx, and DeVida had for using mind control devices on robots. The motive, however, was quite clear, as those three simply wanted to have minions. Zordon, of course, had to be so damn cryptic that no one could really understand wht he was talking about.

Synthe walked in on this conversation (which was incredibly boring, because Jason and Tommy constantly took Zordon _way_ too seriously). "Alright, guys, well I'm done taking a shit!" she said loudly so as to get everyone's attention.

Everyone stared at her.

"Man, about time you came outta there!" Zach said, clutching at his groin.

"I wouldn't go in there for a while if I were you," said Synthe.

"Shit, I don't care! I gotta go!" Zach said, and ran out of the command center before any of the other Power rangers could scold him for swearing.

"It's your funeral!" Synthe shouted after him.

There was a rather awkward pause.

"Well, Zordon, what should we do with the robot?" said Trini.

"Oh, GOD!" Zach was heard shouting from outside, "SYNTHE, WHAT DID YOU _DO_ IN HERE?!"

"Didn't I just tell him? I took a shit. Shit stinks!" said Synthe. "…and as for the robot, I think goggledygeek should take it home," she said.

"I have a _name_ , Terrvaak, and if you fail to start using it—" Billy started.

"—you're gonna send me an e-mail virus? Remind me not to accept any e-mails from you," said Synthe.

Billy's face turned red, and he stood there, silently fuming.

"I'm gonna go over to Dirk's and smoke some reefer with him. Take care of that ugly ass robot, goggledygeek. Make sure if doesn't do any more graffiti—especially on my house. See ya, suckers!" Synthe said as she punched the big, oversized, obnoxious red teleport button to let herself out.

Billy let out a heavy sigh, knowing damn good and well that he was stuck with that robot which Synthe had dragged into the command center. "Oh well," he said, "At least it's not aggressive. Perhaps we could become friends." He helped the robot to its feet. He was still aggravated at Synthe for putting him in this position, and for not taking responsibility for her own damn stray robots. However, instead of staying angry, Billy focused his attention on the dent that Synthe had put in the robot's head, and contemplated how to fix it.


End file.
